Friday, May 2, 2008
Airports....
Different faces…. Each heading to a different destination… for a different reason… Faces loaded with feelings, questions, thoughts and wonders…..Features of hope… expressions of worry…fake interactions…love.. various scents…work….. quick judgments… sincere conversations……beauty….diverse opinions… coincidence…genuine eyes…. chance …. Accidents… stories … legends … fairy tales.…… endless number of motives…. Make us pack and move…… Endless reasons… makes me love observing faces at airports…… Makes me love to pack and move…
Her Fairy Tale Dream....
She rouse from the comfy Barbie bed…. Expecting the fairy tale imagery to continue… expecting a perfect image of what getting married and living away from family would be like… would feel like …
Part of her, was always not ready to know that life isn't perfect… part of her lives endlessly in a fairy tale… and seeing that Barbie bed, made the possibility for a fairy tale story build in her mind…..
Part of her, was always not ready to know that life isn't perfect… part of her lives endlessly in a fairy tale… and seeing that Barbie bed, made the possibility for a fairy tale story build in her mind…..
Reality was never as perfect as her dreams… at a certain point… she had to listen and know.. that life isn't perfect… that it is hard to live away… away from the first human bonds created, away from family… sister.. brother… parents…
Having a sense of physical distance…. Detachment….. '3orbeh…. was painful.... as sad as imperfect as it seems.. it's reality that started to destruct the mental fairy tale expected… For a girl who made a decision to always witness reality from her angel.. .. in a room next to the barbie room…. watching tears tell a story of pain… of longing… was difficult… but yet… with every tear… they both would hear the laughter of the most adorable children… which makes it all.. worthwhile … in her eyes… that's what made life PERFECT… that laughter was always the echo of cries…. that longing's shadow is certianly true love…
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
On the other Hand, DUBAI…. A unique experience of exceptional souls…
In an attempt to experience Dubai…. All images & expectations on what Dubai is, and how a week in Dubai would be like....failed. And a more real, lively, image was drawn. I failed to observe All the fakeness described by those who visited Dubai. I'm so glad that my Dubai's first trip was such a rich experience of human interactions in a wonderful way.
I'm glad , that if I'm asked what is Dubai today…. For me … It's a walk on the beach barefoot with inspirational people, talking about how we can make a change…. It's a sleepless night in the lobby, enjoying Egyptians sense of humor on everything and anything….. It's a sincere conversation with exceptional thinkers… who are young… but will make the change… It's a desert, full moon heart to heart conversation… It's a think outside the box experience….It's taking a step forward... into the future... It's an observation of transformation… it's seeing artistic ways of sleeping ( Lina )…. It's listening to your thoughts in a different voice…. It's sharing….. it's talking and walking and not being judged… it's tolerance… It's laughing and crying with people you have never met before, but deep within you , it feels as if we never really lived away…. It's a hot topic discussed in the bus…… it's being sleepy all the time, but yet try hard and THINK and try to be CREATIVE… it's checking in and opening the apartment door, and hearing someone calling "bring a fork and come share the delicious chocolate cake!" . That's how the trip started…. And that's how it continued… it was very similar to the first chocolate cake which Mohar and Areen made me share as soon as I Arrived, before knowing my name…. Dubai was that spontaneous, that real, loving, Sharing, and the cake was so delicious. It's unbelievable…..
I'm glad , that if I'm asked what is Dubai today…. For me … It's a walk on the beach barefoot with inspirational people, talking about how we can make a change…. It's a sleepless night in the lobby, enjoying Egyptians sense of humor on everything and anything….. It's a sincere conversation with exceptional thinkers… who are young… but will make the change… It's a desert, full moon heart to heart conversation… It's a think outside the box experience….It's taking a step forward... into the future... It's an observation of transformation… it's seeing artistic ways of sleeping ( Lina )…. It's listening to your thoughts in a different voice…. It's sharing….. it's talking and walking and not being judged… it's tolerance… It's laughing and crying with people you have never met before, but deep within you , it feels as if we never really lived away…. It's a hot topic discussed in the bus…… it's being sleepy all the time, but yet try hard and THINK and try to be CREATIVE… it's checking in and opening the apartment door, and hearing someone calling "bring a fork and come share the delicious chocolate cake!" . That's how the trip started…. And that's how it continued… it was very similar to the first chocolate cake which Mohar and Areen made me share as soon as I Arrived, before knowing my name…. Dubai was that spontaneous, that real, loving, Sharing, and the cake was so delicious. It's unbelievable…..
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Reading a person is not like meeting the person- Personality VS Character
What truly never stops astonishing me after human emotions development is the character VS personality aspect of humans. And I can never and will never use both interchangeably.
People can have an amazing personality which you can easily feel drawn to but once the character is revealed a different impression may be created which usually over covers any impression made on personality. But the opposite is not true. What's interesting is that personality as a word is derived from "Persona" a Latin word meaning "Theatrical Mask"! Which absolutely proves my point. I would care less of a personality which is trustworthy, witty and has so much citizenship and honesty represented by a shy character which doesn’t take initiative to show that trait of citizenship or responsibility , who finds it hard to say jokes in public to reveal his/her personality in real life .
Character is a combination of social and cultural acquired acts, habits, qualities and attributes. Character is the real you, the personality traits along with how they were developed and presented by you. We often say he/ she has a character, which implies uniqueness.
Online, a personality can be easily exposed, whether a person is funny, caring, fair, and responsible or sweet is easily shown. You can read someone's blog, work virtually together online, or chat with him/her and come up with conclusions on such personality traits. A false assumption would be that you think meeting that person face to face would bring a similar judgment. In reality character is what attracts us. Character is what makes a person unique. In theater, stories or film the characterization of characters is what makes us get emotional, feel with them or be able to fully imagine the person. When reading a book, you cannot be fully involved and living the scene with full imagination if the characterization of characters is not clear and detailed. How they walk, dress, behave, act, what made them act the way they are acting. And a series of disappointments that may come out of a book made into a movie is related to how each one of us imagined the character, not the personality. Personality cannot be imagined. Personality can have flows and can be judged, but character cannot be blamed, judged or mistaken. It’s a chosen way of being!
In short, I am interested in the offline part of you. The part which I can see the reflection of your soul through your eyes. And where I can see you walk, imitating your dad. And talk imitating your mom. And speak imitating a role model you have. And dream of a character you wanna be. I am interested in this socio- cultural context that caries these personality traits and expose them in a unique character. A character which I cannot compare to another, A character that is complete by being itself, and doesn't need a check list to evaluate. A character that developed through living…. Socializing…. Crying…. Laughing….dancing….. I am interested in the real you....
People can have an amazing personality which you can easily feel drawn to but once the character is revealed a different impression may be created which usually over covers any impression made on personality. But the opposite is not true. What's interesting is that personality as a word is derived from "Persona" a Latin word meaning "Theatrical Mask"! Which absolutely proves my point. I would care less of a personality which is trustworthy, witty and has so much citizenship and honesty represented by a shy character which doesn’t take initiative to show that trait of citizenship or responsibility , who finds it hard to say jokes in public to reveal his/her personality in real life .
Character is a combination of social and cultural acquired acts, habits, qualities and attributes. Character is the real you, the personality traits along with how they were developed and presented by you. We often say he/ she has a character, which implies uniqueness.
Online, a personality can be easily exposed, whether a person is funny, caring, fair, and responsible or sweet is easily shown. You can read someone's blog, work virtually together online, or chat with him/her and come up with conclusions on such personality traits. A false assumption would be that you think meeting that person face to face would bring a similar judgment. In reality character is what attracts us. Character is what makes a person unique. In theater, stories or film the characterization of characters is what makes us get emotional, feel with them or be able to fully imagine the person. When reading a book, you cannot be fully involved and living the scene with full imagination if the characterization of characters is not clear and detailed. How they walk, dress, behave, act, what made them act the way they are acting. And a series of disappointments that may come out of a book made into a movie is related to how each one of us imagined the character, not the personality. Personality cannot be imagined. Personality can have flows and can be judged, but character cannot be blamed, judged or mistaken. It’s a chosen way of being!
In short, I am interested in the offline part of you. The part which I can see the reflection of your soul through your eyes. And where I can see you walk, imitating your dad. And talk imitating your mom. And speak imitating a role model you have. And dream of a character you wanna be. I am interested in this socio- cultural context that caries these personality traits and expose them in a unique character. A character which I cannot compare to another, A character that is complete by being itself, and doesn't need a check list to evaluate. A character that developed through living…. Socializing…. Crying…. Laughing….dancing….. I am interested in the real you....
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
I apologize
Allot of my posts took allot of time to come up, after a visit to Darat Alfunun " Art now in Lebanon exhibit" yesterday and on Saturday. I came back with a load on my chest, loaded with apologies. Rabih Mrouh, totally inspired me, with his amazing recording. Which will only keep me tuned waiting for his coming performance, "stop me from Smoking". I left the exhibit, with a poster for the bullet which was the first photo Akram Zaatari took, it's now hanged over my bed. And allot of thoughts, pain, questions and apologies. Out of no plan I took a paper and kept writing endlessly my apologies which I would like to post openly on this blog. Endless apologies existed within me which I never thought of until that moment I started writing them. I wonder if having the bullet facing me while I'm in bed, combind with an inspiration from Rabih's video confession. Resulted in allot of apologies I feel like making.
I apologize for cursing the PMI for their bad managerial skills, slow application processing and yet try to pursue their PMP degree. I apologize for reminding people of their dreams and yet ignore my own. I apologize for acting that I believe prioritizing is the key, and doing the opposite. I apologize for studying to get my MBA while believing it might add nothing more than the certificate which I will get. I apologize for talking about my management information systems degree & what it's about, while believing it wasn't key in who I am. I apologize for having so much written in CV which says nothing about who I am. I apologize for hating those who taught me the biggest lesson of my life. I apologize for acting busy when I knew I have space to help. I apologize for expecting from others what I wouldn't do myself to them. I apologize for loosing my passion for my job, and still keep it. I apologize for ignoring people who loved me, only coz I thought I don't like them. I apologize for working in something without knowing much about it. I apologize for excluding you from my friends list, for no reason. I apologize for leaving my Clay art work long enough for it to get lost at the place I bake it, and afterwards blaming others for losing it and losing my motivation to do any art afterwards. I apologize for blaming others on my mistakes. I apologize for waiting for people to change the world while I watch. I apologize for saying the word 3aib. I apologize for criticizing things I believe in, just to go with the flow of a conversation and not clash. I apologize for compromising my thoughts for the acceptance of others. I apologize for letting people fall in love with me while I never really loved them but wanted a relation. I apologize for ignoring to draw. I apologize for ignoring the most precious things in me and my life. I apologize for not watching the news or reading the newspaper, to keep myself in denial . I apologize for talking about values that I don’t possess. I apologize for saying I love you, while I wasn't still sure of my feelings . I apologize for being paid my end of month salary from an American institute, and yet keep fighting the Americans all through my lectures at Univ and encouraging every person I meet to watch the Zeitgiest. I apologize for not reading many of the books I receive as presents, and say I don’t have the time though I do. I apologize for not appreciating the blessings that I have. I apologize I criticized you. I apologize for not crying when I felt like crying since it wasn't appropriate & felt too sensitive of me. I apologize for not screaming when I felt like it, but it was not accepted . I apologize for not telling you that you are a liar in your face. I apologize for not telling you I don’t trust you, face to face. I apologize for learning to loose my honesty to adapt. I apologize for the systems I try to create and limit others in. I apologize for arguing for the sake of argument sometimes. I apologize for falling in love with someone in a relation. I apologize for punishing & blaming myself when I follow my desires. I apologize for judging people under first impression. I apologize for hating technology and yet study MIS and spend all day with my laptop, phone , and other technologies. I apologize for not respecting my own opinion. I apologize for believing I can change the world and not do anything about it. I apologize for only calling you when I'm bored. I apologize for taking you/ my sister for granted. I apologize for trying to convince you of my opinion. I apologize for taking long baths & consume so much water in a country of scarce water resource.I apologize for teaching kids how to think in sequence while I believe their randomness is where their true blessing and creativity lies. I apologize I wasted the time teaching them and not learning from them. I apologize for teaching children art while I believe it can't be taught. I apologize for helping them do their homework in my way, instead of learning their way. I apologize for so many contradictions I'm living in. I apologize for underestimating other people's abilities. I apologize for analyzing how think or act while I know nothing of the life they lived or what they passed through. I apologize for criticizing art, a form of expression . I apologize for wearing what other people expect me to wear, when its not me. I apologize for using words I don’t understand, only since I know it might appeal to others or sound rich. I apologize for not dancing in the streets when I was that happy. I apologize for showing you that we have a common interest, when I believe we didn’t, never will. I apologize for talking about money as if it's the most important thing, when it really isn't. I apologize for trying to change other's opinion. I apologize for reminding you of apologies you feel like doing .I apologize for talking about forgiveness and finding it hard to forgive myself.
I apologize for cursing the PMI for their bad managerial skills, slow application processing and yet try to pursue their PMP degree. I apologize for reminding people of their dreams and yet ignore my own. I apologize for acting that I believe prioritizing is the key, and doing the opposite. I apologize for studying to get my MBA while believing it might add nothing more than the certificate which I will get. I apologize for talking about my management information systems degree & what it's about, while believing it wasn't key in who I am. I apologize for having so much written in CV which says nothing about who I am. I apologize for hating those who taught me the biggest lesson of my life. I apologize for acting busy when I knew I have space to help. I apologize for expecting from others what I wouldn't do myself to them. I apologize for loosing my passion for my job, and still keep it. I apologize for ignoring people who loved me, only coz I thought I don't like them. I apologize for working in something without knowing much about it. I apologize for excluding you from my friends list, for no reason. I apologize for leaving my Clay art work long enough for it to get lost at the place I bake it, and afterwards blaming others for losing it and losing my motivation to do any art afterwards. I apologize for blaming others on my mistakes. I apologize for waiting for people to change the world while I watch. I apologize for saying the word 3aib. I apologize for criticizing things I believe in, just to go with the flow of a conversation and not clash. I apologize for compromising my thoughts for the acceptance of others. I apologize for letting people fall in love with me while I never really loved them but wanted a relation. I apologize for ignoring to draw. I apologize for ignoring the most precious things in me and my life. I apologize for not watching the news or reading the newspaper, to keep myself in denial . I apologize for talking about values that I don’t possess. I apologize for saying I love you, while I wasn't still sure of my feelings . I apologize for being paid my end of month salary from an American institute, and yet keep fighting the Americans all through my lectures at Univ and encouraging every person I meet to watch the Zeitgiest. I apologize for not reading many of the books I receive as presents, and say I don’t have the time though I do. I apologize for not appreciating the blessings that I have. I apologize I criticized you. I apologize for not crying when I felt like crying since it wasn't appropriate & felt too sensitive of me. I apologize for not screaming when I felt like it, but it was not accepted . I apologize for not telling you that you are a liar in your face. I apologize for not telling you I don’t trust you, face to face. I apologize for learning to loose my honesty to adapt. I apologize for the systems I try to create and limit others in. I apologize for arguing for the sake of argument sometimes. I apologize for falling in love with someone in a relation. I apologize for punishing & blaming myself when I follow my desires. I apologize for judging people under first impression. I apologize for hating technology and yet study MIS and spend all day with my laptop, phone , and other technologies. I apologize for not respecting my own opinion. I apologize for believing I can change the world and not do anything about it. I apologize for only calling you when I'm bored. I apologize for taking you/ my sister for granted. I apologize for trying to convince you of my opinion. I apologize for taking long baths & consume so much water in a country of scarce water resource.I apologize for teaching kids how to think in sequence while I believe their randomness is where their true blessing and creativity lies. I apologize I wasted the time teaching them and not learning from them. I apologize for teaching children art while I believe it can't be taught. I apologize for helping them do their homework in my way, instead of learning their way. I apologize for so many contradictions I'm living in. I apologize for underestimating other people's abilities. I apologize for analyzing how think or act while I know nothing of the life they lived or what they passed through. I apologize for criticizing art, a form of expression . I apologize for wearing what other people expect me to wear, when its not me. I apologize for using words I don’t understand, only since I know it might appeal to others or sound rich. I apologize for not dancing in the streets when I was that happy. I apologize for showing you that we have a common interest, when I believe we didn’t, never will. I apologize for talking about money as if it's the most important thing, when it really isn't. I apologize for trying to change other's opinion. I apologize for reminding you of apologies you feel like doing .I apologize for talking about forgiveness and finding it hard to forgive myself.
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