اسبوع يفصلني عن لقاك

افكر وأحلم في هذا اللقاء
وفي القصص التي سوف أحملها معي بين امتعتي
لارويها لك وانا بين إحضانك
قصتي لعشقك الذي لا اعرف متى بدء
قصتي لعشق من قصوا لي قصتك بشغف
قصتي مع أولادك الذين ماتوا
احمل قصصي وآتي لأسمع قصصك
أتي على امل ان أعود محملة بزيتون
استبدله بمساحات القصص التي سوف نرويها
أتي لتبدأ قصة عشقي لك مباشرة
من دون ان اعشق رجل من رجالك ليسرب الحب بيننا
من دون ان أحزن لالم آخرين
أتي
وانا اعلم
سوف اتالم
سوف يكون هناك وجع
وانا أراك معصوبه اليدين
وانا أراى الجدار
وانا اراهم يتصرفون باعضائك وكأنك معصومة العينين
اتوق لرؤياك مع كل الألم الذي سيحتوي اللقاء
اتوق لرؤياك رغم الألم
ولتصبح علاقتنا دون وسيط
اريد ان اتلمسك
واتظلل بظلك
ونمشي سويا
أتي لاسمع قصصك في زوايا القرى
وصوت النساء الذين عرفوك
أتي لاصف لهم جمالك باعتزاز
وعطرك
وأولادك
أتي لاستبدل الخيال بالواقع
لاستبدل اعرفها بتعرفني
أتي لتعرفينني
أنا التي كتبت لك الكثير
أنا التي وصثفتك قبل ان نلتقي
ودمعت الكثير
اتوق للقاءنا يا
فلسطين

My awareness campaign!

It’s almost a year since I wrote allot of apologies…. And very weirdly I thought of rewriting that post on March 10th, the exact day I wrote it originally one year before…. I thought that many things have changed in my life, so when I returned to it, if found that it has been exactly a year and that was freaking weird to discover…. I was getting ready to travel, and my trip was a very busy one, I couldn’t get to write that post… here I am… waiting in JFK for my flight back… and I guess that’s the right time to rewrite that post… I’m returning with allot of new feelings… new thoughts of places and how to relate to them… a baggage filled with plans, dreams and aspirations… which I’m looking forward for …

Reading back my apologies felt like “That was Too Honest”! I guess I am on a totally different road now, I’m grateful I got my PMP, I’m grateful I followed my passion in my work, I’m grateful I learnt how to take time to just do nothing and enjoy having nothing as a priority on a weekend… I’m grateful that I’m almost done with my MBA, I’m so proud that what matters has differed to me, and that my priorities are clearer and that I spend my time doing something I believe in, with a place I can relate to and with real people… which is not necessary what others would feel important… so much has changed in a year, I’m certainly the same person, but I can see my soul reflected in my current life today more than any other day… I’m falling in love with this transformational phase… my priorities changed …and what matters to me now is not related to what used to matter previously…. It feels like a birthday post… I wonder if that post made it feel like a conscious accountability tool for me, or a motivator to do a real change… either way it has been very interesting and quick change in my life…. Not sure if I broke anyone’s heart! Not sure if I should apologize for that either… I know mine is almost healed and will soon be ready to fall again….

Done with Passion.... you can tell

It’s amazing how things done with passion immediately touches us. I’ve been noticing this for so long, but it has hit me recently more than ever by several initiatives or art which completely touches my soul, and I know for sure it must have meant allot to the person who did it for it to be able to still get out of that person’s heart and transform into a beautiful idea, product, or space. That can touch me! Where I am someone of no direct relation to that initiator, expect that we live in the same world !! I have three Ammani examples which recently are making me hopeful that there is still allot of hope in that there are so many people who wholeheartedly follow their passions…. And do what they feel like doing with allot of passion.. Nadine Othman is one of these people… her art work is done with allot of passion, she stares at each of the paintings she has done and tells her story and inspiration to that painting in a very passionate way…. You just love it.. her art work is very unique! Very expressive… touches you… you don’t have to be an artist to find out that she has done it with allot of passion.. that its real art…
Adraj is another example…. A unique space done with allot of effort and little resources down town Amman….. because these people tried passionately to make the space appealing for them, its appealing for anyone who enters it… when people create a space passionately that is comfortable for them anyone who enters that space would feel comfortable in it… even if you think its not your taste of furniture or designs, you can still feel it, it touches you, and you know those people did allot of effort in that place… you can easily tell…. It touches your soul….
Interruptions, the architecture publication is another example of things you feel its soul easily… this publication is obviously done with allot of passion too… I mean I have nothing to do with architecture except that I live in a house that’s probably designed by an architect, my best friend is a great architect, I like the word architecture, I hear the word “Tasleem” more than often, I get to read allot of architectural projects in my monthly subscribed PMI magazine, as its usually one of the case studies or feature articles to highlight project management practices… But I mean that’s about it… yet I enjoyed reading through this magazine… and I felt the passion of those who did it…..

So life feels very good when you get exposed to other people’s passions in your daily life…. When you attend a touching concert where musicians are completely involved and enjoying playing on stage… you just love it…. When you attend an art exhibit and you feel the shining eyes of the artist… and you know its not a business out there…. It’s a real passion…
Life remains interesting… I just love it…

شعور بالحرية

مرت مدة طويلة منذ ان تحرك قلمي... اكسله قلة الطاقة في شهر رمضان المبارك فما عاد يتحرك الى لكتابة اسطر مجبرة للعمل او الدراسة.... كدت انسى ان لي مدونة مع كل ما يدور في عالمي الصغير من مشاريع، تقلبات وأفكار...
واليوم اعود ولا اعد بالكثير من الكلمات...
اعود عاشقة لللغة العربية من جديد....
اعود باحساس بالحرية يغمرني ، احساس لم يسبقه مثيل...
وكأنني سلبت حرية اختيار طريق حياتي لمدة من الزمن واستعدتها كهبة وهبتها وانا اتأمل عملي بملل....
فأيقنت ان حان الوقت لتجربة جديدة، توقظني بحماس كل صباح ليوم عمل جديد... .....
تجربة تشعرني بأنها تخاطب روحي فتحفزني للعمل بكل طاقتي...
يصعب علي ان اشرح شعوري..
لانني لم اشعر يوما انني لست حرة، الا عندما قررت ان ابحث عن عمل جديد...
يومها احسست انني امتلك حياتي وان لا شيء يقلقني ..احسست بحرية اشعرتني انني لم اكن حرة قبل هذا القرار.. فعرفت ان الحرية هي الشعور بأن لا أفكار اقوى من افكاري.... عندما تشعر انك قادر على التغلب على فكرة سائدة لما "يجب عمله" او "واجب عمله" او " من الطبيعي عمله" لتعمل عملا لا يتناغم ما هو متعارف عليه او ما حولك من افكار ولكنه يتناغم بايقاع رائع مع دقات قلبك حينها تشعر بالحرية... بأن لا شيء يحكم خطواتك الا افكارك الغير متأثرة بما هو حولك ... فتملك حياتك من جديد....
هذه الايام استعد لمرحلة انتقالية تنقلني الى عمل جديد.... انهي هذا الشهر عملي الحالي لانتقل بعد العيد لعمل في مجال يختلف تماما عما

عملت به لأربع سنوات.... وكلي حماس للتجربة الجديدة واختلافها

تواصلت مع شخص لطالما الهمني فكره، الدكتور منير فاشه في ما يدور في ذهني من افكار حول معنى الحرية، فأرسل لي بما كتبه يوما عن هذا الموضوع والذي سوف اضيفه الى ما كتبته انا

عسى ان يلهمكم كما الهمني

منير فاشه:

ربما يشكل مفهوم الحرية أساساً لشق طرق خارج فلك العولمة. يجري الكلام حالياً حول الحرية السياسية والاجتماعية والفكرية والتعبيرية، ولكن بطريقة تبقينا داخل المنطق السائد. الحرية في أضعف مفاهيمها هي حرية التعبير والخيار واتخاذ القرار، ويلي ذلك حرية المشاركة في العمل بهدف بناء المستقبل. وهما نوعان لا يتعارضان بالضرورة مع العولمة. أما المفهوم الأكثر جوهرية في نظري فيكمن في حرية البحث المستقل عن المعنى، وفي تفسير الكلمات والظواهر، وفي إعادة النظر في المعايير والممارسات والإدراكات السائدة، وفي شق طريق أصيل في الفهم؛ أي الحرية في المشاركة في التأليف والتفسير والفهم والإدراك. سأختار المشي كمثال لتوضيح ذلك. الحرية من النوع الأول تشبه حرية الشخص في اختيار طريق من بين طرق معبّدة، وحرية القرار على أيها يسير، وحرية اختيار وسيلة النقل. والحرية من النوع الثاني تشبه حرية المشاركة في فتح طرق جديدة حسب المقاييس والقوانين والأعراف السائدة. أما الحرية من النوع الثالث فتتمثل في أن تشق طريقك بنفسك حسب ما يفرضه الواقع وخبراتك وقناعاتك، ما قد يعني المشي في الحقول والوديان وعلى رؤوس الجبال. الحرية من النوعين الأول والثاني تعني التحرك بحرية تامة داخل الأقفاص الفكرية السائدة. الحرية من النوع الثالث تبدأ بوعي وجود عوالم خارج هذه الأقفاص، وباكتساب الجرأة على التخيل والتجربة والعمل خارجها. ومن الجدير بالذكر أننا كثيراً ما نستبطن منطق الأقفاص المهيمنة، فندافع عنها بكل قوة. هناك عدة وسائل للجم الحرية من النوع الثالث، لعل أكثرها فاعلية هي الكلمات والمعاني والمعايير المسموح بها – كما ذكرت سابقاً.

سأعطي مثالاً آخر لتوضيح الحرية من النوع الثالث. في زيارة لي لولاية "واهاكا" في جنوب المكسيك، ذكر لي صديق أن أحد ما يطالب به السكان الأصليون الحكومة المكسيكية هو ليس تغيير السجون أو تحسينها في الولاية، وإنما العيش بدون سجون. إذ حسب تقاليدهم ورؤيتهم للأمور، من يضر بآخرين أو يخطئ بحق المجتمع، فإن المجتمع مسؤول قدر الشخص، ما يجعل فصله عن الناس فكرة طائشة. بعبارة أخرى، لا تُحل المشكلة في رأيهم عن طريق عزل الشخص عن الآخرين بل عن طريق التفاعل معه ووضع جهد لمحاولة فهم ما حصل (من قبل الطرفين). أي أن مطلبهم في جوهره هو أن يُترك لهم المجال لأن يعيشوا حسب طرقهم في العيش، فالتنوع الحقيقي هو ليس تنوعاً يتعلق بنوع السجون أو تحسينها، وإنما في تحرير فكرهم وخيالهم من فكرة السجون بالذات.

مثال آخر عشته في الضفة الغربية خلال عقد السبعينيات، ويعكس ما أقوله هنا، تمثل في تأكيدي في عملي مع معلمي الرياضيات على أنه لا يوجد طفل غير منطقي، وإذا قابلنا طفلاً لا نفهم منطقه أو لا نوافق على منطقه، فإن ذلك لا يعني أنه غير منطقي. وهذا بلا شك يضع علينا مسؤولية من نوع آخر، إذ يتطلب منا وضع جهد لمحاولة فهم منطق ذلك الطفل بدلاً من حل المشكلة عن طريق اتهامه بـ "اللامنطقية"، ما يتطلب إعادة النظر فيما نعنيه بمنطق ومعرفة.

شعور بالحرية....

مرت مدة طويلة منذ ان تحرك قلمي... اكسله قلة الطاقة في شهر رمضان المبارك فما عاد يتحرك الى لكتابة اسطر مجبرة للعمل او الدراسة.... كدت انسى ان لي مدونة مع كل ما يدور في عالمي الصغير من مشاريع، تقلبات وأفكار...
واليوم اعود ولا اعد بالكثير من الكلمات...
اعود عاشقة لللغة العربية من جديد....
اعود باحساس بالحرية يغمرني ، احساس لم يسبقه مثيل...
وكأنني سلبت حرية اختيار طريق حياتي لمدة من الزمن واستعدتها كهبة وهبتها وانا اتأمل عملي بملل....
فأيقنت ان حان الوقت لتجربة جديدة، توقظني بحماس كل صباح ليوم عمل جديد... .....
تجربة تشعرني بأنها تخاطب روحي فتحفزني للعمل بكل طاقتي...
يصعب علي ان اشرح شعوري..
لانني لم اشعر يوما انني لست حرة، الا عندما قررت ان ابحث عن عمل جديد...
يومها احسست انني امتلك حياتي وان لا شيء يقلقني ..احسست بحرية اشعرتني انني لم اكن حرة قبل هذا القرار.. فعرفت ان الحرية هي الشعور بأن لا أفكار اقوى من افكاري.... عندما تشعر انك قادر على التغلب على فكرة سائدة لما "يجب عمله" او "واجب عمله" او " من الطبيعي عمله" لتعمل عملا لا يتناغم ما هو متعارف عليه او ما حولك من افكار ولكنه يتناغم بايقاع رائع مع دقات قلبك حينها تشعر بالحرية... بأن لا شيء يحكم خطواتك الا افكارك الغير متأثرة بما هو حولك ... فتملك حياتك من جديد....
هذه الايام استعد لمرحلة انتقالية تنقلني الى عمل جديد.... انهي هذا الشهر عملي الحالي لانتقل بعد العيد لعمل في مجال يختلف تماما عما عمات به لأربع سنوات.... وكلي حماس للتجربة الجديدة واختلافها.....

Back to Irbid… and Day dreaming….

It's been around 2 years if not a bit more since I last went to Irbid, and so much has changed…. I'm so glad I had to go today to attend a very precious friend's Engagement… which was a beautiful party I enjoyed so much…

I never knew I missed these long rides to Irbid…. I used to spend the way dreaming.. . either literally sleeping and dreaming or day dreaming..…
My journey today was beautiful…. A very handsome driver(my brother) was driving fast enough yet considerate enough when I want to observe something or take pictures… I truly enjoyed the ride… I almost forgot how beautiful some areas on the way are… how green are some mountains… I forgot many of my dreams , a dream of a little house or cottage up the hill… and other dreams I built on the way to Irbid almost daily…. Dreams I developed everyday… in small bits… dreams I developed through the 4 years studying in Yarmouk… I thought of every bit of my future on this road… everyday…..
It felt like this trip reminded me to day dream… a habit I have lost with the very fast pace of my life recently… It's very sad, I can't recall when was the last time I spent a good hour gazing at something or nothing and day dreaming… today on the way to Irbid, I guess all three of us, Laith, Mais and Rozeen were day dreaming… and almost silent… while Laith trying to put the right music to put us in the mood of a party… or in the mood of love …. I wonder…
The way back was more of a heated discussion…. When three Taurus are in the same car, two of them born exactly same day (Rozeen & Laith) the discussion has allot of great sense of humor… and allot of consensus… it's scary!!! It's hilariously fun!

For those who miss Irbid, I would like to tell you that Abu Duraid is still as is… he changed the sign but still exists 7amdella… Golden spoon is going through renovation , that's why we couldn’t have dinner there! But guess what's new in Irbid? Hardes! And there seating is much nicer than Amman… much more comfortable and artistic…. Which I liked….
I think I should start taking long rides in my car…… to explore Jordan…. Road trips or something…. To keep refreshing my dreams and aspirations….

Passing PMP in 20 days of complete commitment

For friends and family who just want to hear the news, I passed :) I'm officially a PMP now…. I caught one of the stars I wanted to catch….. one of the stars I had hanging in my room for a long time now.. Thanks for the great support and words of encouragment.… for PMP aspirants who need to get insight from my experience and lessons learnt please continue reading..

Initiation
My journey towards the PMP started as soon as I started work almost 4 years ago, when I felt attracted to the multidisciplinary aspect of project management profession. My work was and still is directly related to the profession. I took the first training in project management and started keeping track of the projects I work on to make sure that I will be ready to fill the demanding application when I complete the eligibility requirements of work and graduate from my BA. Through my work, I tried as much as possible to practice PMI standards and best practices to keep the knowledge I gained from training fresh and aligned with real life experience.
When I completed 3 years of work on projects, and graduated I decided to take an exam preparation course and take the exam right after it, I was hoping to be one of the youngest having this certification, since I had my work experience parallel to my BA. I took the training last year and couldn’t for various reasons do the exam right after.
After a long road of procrastination, and delays for valid and non valid reason… On my 23rd birthday (May 13th 2008) I scheduled my exam to be on August 3rd 08. I made sure to schedule it in a time where I would be able to take days off from work and MBA.

Planning
Off course I set a very optimistic schedule which required from me a daily study of an hour or 2 since the exam schedule date, I didn’t stick to the schedule set. I wasn’t taking it seriously, and I was too confident that it would be an easy exam and will not require much effort …… I had allot of work to do… and other MBA exams to study…. UNTIL… I called the Prometric testing site in Jordan early July, to check that my schedule is confirmed with them exactly just like I set it online….. and the lady confirmed and asked me to bring the eligibility letter, passport, and schedule notice. Also informed me that the exam is 4 hours, and that the result will be shown immediately!! OMG, are you sure? Immediately? You mean as soon as I finish it? She said yes, and I just felt like telling her, ok thanks I need to go study immediately! It seems more serious than I expected, I wonder why I don’t remember I heard this information earlier!! I guess subconsciously the idea of setting for the exam became more serious when I knew the result is immediate, that I will not wait another month to get a result which I can say I didn’t study well, I had circumstances and do the blame game… I had to be responsible, its immediate!! That call was seriously my first PMP adrenaline rise which caused me to get stressed!! Which is OK, and HEALTHY in my opinion especially when compared to my state of "self confidence" ! :)

So I decided to do more research, ask people who passed the exam, who trained me.. who know more… what is there advice for me… any advice… on exam… on ways of studying … anything…
So I called Ammar Mango… who was the first person to teach me project management skills 3 years ago when I wasn't yet eligible to take the exam…. As much as I was impressed by Ammar as a trainer, who never fails to make you fully grasp the knowledge, the spirit, and application of the project management profession with all his passion for the subject , real life experience examples and sense of humor. Ammar is defiantly a project manager enabler! Ammar gave me allot of time on the phone, and later face to face to answer all my questions and concerns regarding the exam, effective ways of studying, and Ammar's online training which I then considered to make it part of my exam preparation, after I knew from Ammar more about it.

Studying strategy
My studying inspiration was based on what James said in the first class last year in an exam preparation training I took in DC, I AM , I CAN , I WILL! I had to read this sign several times a day to get my thoughts, mind , and heart to full commitment to study hard. As James says, to STAY ON PURPOSE!

I had so much commitment for studying, which I only remember having when I did my O LEVEL GCE exams!! It was very hard to go through the PMBOK , thus I followed Ammar's suggestion of doing the online course then reading the PMBOK.
Online training: the best decision I did this year after the decision of scheduling the exam! Was taking Method online training, which goes by processes, displays information that is in the PMBOK in a form much easier to grasp, in points ,in visual tools, accompanied by the excellent explanation provided by Ammar in his calm clear voice. (which can be in English or Arabic, depending on the chosen language) So Ammar explains while you see the slides, which is a great way of learning, since it involves more than one sense, listening and seeing. It's much easier than holding the book to read and read endlessly not being sure if what you understood is true or not. And with limited time to study, you can take the online training in the middle of the night or early in the morning depending on your biological clock to make sure you have full concentration and understanding.

My method of using the online training was taking the training, while the PMBOK is opened on the related process described, I use highlighters and post it notes on the pages to add the information that Ammar is saying which is not justified or detailed enough in the PMBOK, so that when I read the PMBOK I would refer to these notes to recall what was said in the online training and link ideas. This makes the PMBOK by the time I finish studying, along with several flash cards I prepared the complete studying material which covers almost everything.
Reading the PMBOK after the training was magical, paragraphs which failed to make sense or sink before the training, are completely understood and mentally linked to other parts process or knowledge areas to make complete integrated picture.
The beauty of the online training, is that you feel as if someone is staying up late with you to teach you, and it is not as demanding as reading through a book. It's actually allot of fun, and so effective.

If anyone has taken training long time ago, like I did, last year, I think you need this online training, though my work is directly related as I said, depending on your memory of what you learnt long time ago, and how you manage things is not enough to pass. You need to grasp how PMI wants you to manage projects not how you do it. which is something you can clearly grasp from Ammar's training which concentrates on the spirit of the PMI in a beautiful way through learning… knowing the right answer becomes natural and instinct… It's a course I would recommend as a core source for studying the exam.
I also read through training course materials I had from exam preparation course, specially the stuff that I felt were explained more thoroughly there

QUALITY
PMP preparation for me wasn't a part time activity, I took the time off from work to make sure I put my full commitment and time for this purpose.
My browser home page was the PMHUB, which I would check whenever I open the browser (several times a day) I would check new PMPs lessons learnt, and try to solve some questions from their questions bank ( that's how I spent my break time! ).

RISK
I was very aware of how critical things can get if any negative risk happened in those 20 days, thus I tried my best to take good care of my health, committed to the daily vitamins which I never committed to before. I knew how spoiled I can get when I get ill, and I wanted to try my best to lower the probability of that risk occurring by performing several risk mitigation techniques like staying warm and eating good. My health precautions included drinking much water, to not get dehydrated, stopping any caffeinated drinks ( No coffee no Tea) since I read that it decreases concentration. ( can you imagine? I was that committed , Mais stopped COFFEE!!! )

My recommendations
I recommend Ammar's training, as a first phase of studying since it covers PMBOK and out of PMBOK information that is required in the exam. And you will see it popping up in the exam frequently, where you will feel like "Ammar you are the best!"
Read the PMBOK once
Solve at least 1 complete simulation exam (200 questions). I found PMSTUDY exam very close to real PMP exam, close in terms of difficulty, percentage of easy exams to hard exams, number of questions requiring calculations..etc.. after first exam, my second PMP adrenaline rise happened, since I wasnt satisfied with 66% as result
Read the PMBOK again, you will notice your concentration will drift to areas that exam questions made you aware of its importance or ways it can be questioned.
Solve more and more questions.
Note: Researching any term that you pass by in the PMBOK as a tool, management criteria, delegation, power, and specially quality issues or those which the PMHUB mentions as important in lessons learnt by PMPs is essential, for that I used Google and Wikipedia .
A day before the exam do a revision of your weak areas, important points. One of the great sources of revision I found was for blogger Sridhar from the US.

During the exam
I was very confident, I knew I studied well. I was thinking IAM, I CAN, I WILL
Took first 12 minutes to write down page 70 of PMBOK, and memory dump of all equations that I memorized which can were summed up all in Sridhar's blog . this guy is so smart, he didn’t miss any rule.
I took 2 hours of the exam, questions seemed easy, but I got so bored… and was ahead of time in terms of question solving… took around 7 minutes break, ate KITKAT :) and drank some water!
Got back finished exam 50 minutes early, revised marked questions. Felt very confident that I will pass the exam and thanks God after seconds of waiting for the result which felt like an hour of waiting where my third PMP Adrenaline rise happened to its peak... I did it ... I passed the exam.

Allow me to sign my name like I dreamt to one day 4 years ago
Mais Irqsusi, PMP

Wishes

When I close my eyes
To make a wish
I imagine all the stars I wish I can catch
In the universe of my dreams
My senses merge with my aspirations
My ordinary wishes integrate with my rare wishes
Every time I close my eyes
My wish list starts and ends insisting with the same wish
A wish that shimmers more than its fellow wishes
A wish at that moment
Synchronizes in harmony with my heartbeat

I make wishes
That may come true in halves
In quarters
Wishes that makes me so light
I can fly
Wishes wrapped in hope
Delivered in insistence
Wishes wrapped in questions
Announced with hesitation
Wishes of my crazy mind
And passionate heart

wishes that makes me walk on the edges

Wishes that challenge me

keeps me Alive

Wishes that brings light

Wishes
like us
have characters
Humble wishes
Wished in a crazy way
Common wishes
Wished in a customized way
Sane wishes
Funny wishes

Childish wishes

Luxurious wishes

Wishes we know
Wishes hidden between life angles

Exist
But we haven't met yet

Wishes like humans…
Have a birth date
Grow old….

Survive...
Leave scars…

Wishes are like mothers
When they come true
They Give birth to another wish

Sometimes I close my eyes
To make a precious wish
Nothing but a grieving tear falls
Slips between my joyless eyelashes in pain
Only then I know
In the gloomy corners of my eyes

In the absence of real Light
That my favorite wish has died

That one of my special stars

no longer shines!

Wishes like humans

Die!