Saturday, July 12, 2008

Turning 23…. What is true love?

It's been exactly 2 months since I turned 23, and I always wanted to write about how it felt to experience every age…. since whenever I look back, I can't really recall how did it feel when I was 18, what was the most important discovery then… We forget the most important sensations and growth points which developed us the way we are… we forget how important were some questions for us… they get answered through the journey and we ignore the answer… we reach answers yet we never mention it was answered… but this reminded me of sharing one of my answers…

When life was just beginning… Knowing what true love is was an important question for me… today it is in fact one of my major discoveries… among all the interesting questions I have… I have one absolutely fundamental question answered somewhere through the journey of the 23 summers I lived … and the answer is so far convincing to my heart…
What is true love? I've been blessed enough to get this question answered specifically … for now I believe only when you reach that answer do you really experience life differently… this question is one of the questions that certainly exist in our mind, whether we notice its existence or not…. It pops out in relations where we try to figure out the feelings which we truly feel towards the other… is it real? Is it true love?

For the young guys/girls, true love is not perfect, it's not the handsome, sexy, rich, smart, witty package which you feel very excited for and would happily call it true love. Nor is she/he the guy/girl who will know your favorite ice cream flavor!

True love is not a perfect fairy tale, it's real, so real, it tastes just like real life… it's not dreamy, it's not lust, it's allot of imperfections yet enough love to accept a completely different individual . To love that individual unconditionally. True love is when you know you can be yourself in absolutely every moment with this person. Is when you know you don’t have to look in the mirror before seeing the other, yet the other will become a mirror that through it you can know yourself.
When you are capable of breaking all ego, possessiveness, jealousy, all your unreal, pretended selves and be an absolutely naked soul with all your imperfections and yet feel that you are completely accepted and loved and your imperfections are as cherished as your ideal characteristics….. When you are able to Love unconditionally and without expectations. That level of trust, is intimacy. Intimacy brings about growth, which may sometimes be painful. That's why I say, after true love, you experience life differently. You know more about your own self, that you can't settle for less than truth. You have fully integrated your real self, and your realized imperfections, you expose them to the universe and can no longer accept not being accepted fully… or loved true love just like you're finally capable of …... you acknowledge that you are a whole, this whole is not perfect, but it's capable of loving, and being loved. Just like the other is not perfect, but with the imperfections it is whole. You cherish your sincere honest self, and the other's different individuality.
Unfortunately, through our journey we get trapped with how we were conditioned about love. And we mix understandings, we think that we can replace freedom with love, freedom comes first. And it's the highest value, and all our problems arise when we decide we will allow love to kidnap freedom. Our freedom or the other's freedom. Or when we have an ego hiding behind love, or jealousy that wants to speak in the name of love. Or fear comes in to kill love. Or dependance interferes .. love is free and independant...

With love comes allot of Joy, that is silent, it is not excitement.. It is tranquil, calm and cool, yet feels real and we can sense it. And harmony is created, when we don’t try to change each other, when we totally accept the difference in the other, this creates harmony since when there is acceptance there is no disagreement.
True love is more or less like a friendship, no one is superior on the other, each friend totally accepts the other the way he or she is, and knows that his friends way, perspective and thoughts about life is different, but still loves all those differences about the other. Those friends love unconditionally, yet don't expect anything in return. That's how true love is… true love is imperfect and does not have any expectations….. it helps us grow and learn about ourselves.. true love is about relating to the other, not about a relationship… it's allot of exploring of the self and the other through a journey that is not rosy nor perfect but is certainly joyful and worth taking..…

I must point out these are my personal random thoughts on this topic… which may only apply to me… I can't really generalize since I haven't yet met anyone as crazy as I am! And I think Gibran talks about love in a wonderful way

10 comments:

Maher said...

One of the amazing posts that i have read so far!

I personally, believe in Love! Not just Love! True LOVE!

i believe there is someone for me out there with the characteristics i admire!

hopefully she is fine :P

Doomisy said...

I Second Mahers words, Mapless this is an amazing post.

True love is when you know you can be yourself in absolutely every moment with this person. Is when you know you don’t have to look in the mirror before seeing the other, yet the other will become a mirror that through it you can know yourself.

Divine words

Mapless said...

Maher: Thanks for the sweet comment, I dont believe that there is one person in life that is for us! Love is an act, we are able to love absolutely anyone, but for anyone to love us in return in the same way of unconditional love is the question that if realized will make us able to relate to each other. In a liftime we are capable of loving more than once... more than twice... Love is an act of giving without expectaions which through your life , you will feel you can do it more than once , more than twice to different people who will pass through your life and you feel you are willing to give them unconditionally, allot of great emotions you have and wait for nothing in return....

Doomisy: You are the one who taught me the word divine :)

Deena said...

WOW!!
I can't believe someone my age can write that with such insight ... such clarity ...WOW! really lost for words...
the post is brilliant.
i am wondering though, whether such love can really grow, uninhibited, in our culture?
Because when my friends refer to 'love', it sounds more like a calculated move than a growth of genuine intimacy.... and when i try to explain otherwise... well i fail... love seems too tied to the idea of marriage, whereas true love, like u said, has no expectations.
Next time the coversation with my friends comes up, i will just send them the link to ur post!

Mapless said...

Deena, Thanks for your words... I tried to be as general in my post as possible so that different people can understand what i mean. (and because this post is part of a planned project to be added to my list of unfinished projects) but your example of Marriage being an expectation is a perfect example of how women in our culture have expectations and think that's love! On the other hand, Men also have expectations from women, that usually relates to limiting her freedom, and would proudly call this love as well! I wouldn't personally trade my freedom with love! I wouldnt trade my freedom with anything on earth.
It is hard, as you said in our culture. Unfortunetly, Men in our culture, are not used to being loved unconditionally... it scares them.. they must do the math... and if they couldnt figure out what you want from them... they freak out!! you must want something... it must be a clear deal... or out of the game... but the bright side is, true love exists, and my article is not based on a theory what I wrote is based on my life :)

Dr.invisible said...

The most amazing article I huv ever read on true luv !!

Mapless said...

Dr.Invisible : THANK YOU :)

Maher said...

hey, did you do the PMP exam?
i wonder if you have the latest questions? if yes, can i have em :D
sanks :D

Mapless said...

Maher:My exam is still next sunday, You'll difintely hear the news if I became PMP inshalla! But according to the code of ethics i wouldnt reveal any of the questions that would come to me... but i'm planning to post my lessons learnt, and give advice on what people should concentrate on during their study... if my way proved to be successful!! I'm studying...still

Maher said...

my co-worker told me there is a place were you can download and study past exams. but they changed it. i thought you had your hand on those exams!

Gooodd luck jaD! allah ywaf2ek :D