Saturday, July 12, 2008

Turning 23…. What is true love?

It's been exactly 2 months since I turned 23, and I always wanted to write about how it felt to experience every age…. since whenever I look back, I can't really recall how did it feel when I was 18, what was the most important discovery then… We forget the most important sensations and growth points which developed us the way we are… we forget how important were some questions for us… they get answered through the journey and we ignore the answer… we reach answers yet we never mention it was answered… but this reminded me of sharing one of my answers…

When life was just beginning… Knowing what true love is was an important question for me… today it is in fact one of my major discoveries… among all the interesting questions I have… I have one absolutely fundamental question answered somewhere through the journey of the 23 summers I lived … and the answer is so far convincing to my heart…
What is true love? I've been blessed enough to get this question answered specifically … for now I believe only when you reach that answer do you really experience life differently… this question is one of the questions that certainly exist in our mind, whether we notice its existence or not…. It pops out in relations where we try to figure out the feelings which we truly feel towards the other… is it real? Is it true love?

For the young guys/girls, true love is not perfect, it's not the handsome, sexy, rich, smart, witty package which you feel very excited for and would happily call it true love. Nor is she/he the guy/girl who will know your favorite ice cream flavor!

True love is not a perfect fairy tale, it's real, so real, it tastes just like real life… it's not dreamy, it's not lust, it's allot of imperfections yet enough love to accept a completely different individual . To love that individual unconditionally. True love is when you know you can be yourself in absolutely every moment with this person. Is when you know you don’t have to look in the mirror before seeing the other, yet the other will become a mirror that through it you can know yourself.
When you are capable of breaking all ego, possessiveness, jealousy, all your unreal, pretended selves and be an absolutely naked soul with all your imperfections and yet feel that you are completely accepted and loved and your imperfections are as cherished as your ideal characteristics….. When you are able to Love unconditionally and without expectations. That level of trust, is intimacy. Intimacy brings about growth, which may sometimes be painful. That's why I say, after true love, you experience life differently. You know more about your own self, that you can't settle for less than truth. You have fully integrated your real self, and your realized imperfections, you expose them to the universe and can no longer accept not being accepted fully… or loved true love just like you're finally capable of …... you acknowledge that you are a whole, this whole is not perfect, but it's capable of loving, and being loved. Just like the other is not perfect, but with the imperfections it is whole. You cherish your sincere honest self, and the other's different individuality.
Unfortunately, through our journey we get trapped with how we were conditioned about love. And we mix understandings, we think that we can replace freedom with love, freedom comes first. And it's the highest value, and all our problems arise when we decide we will allow love to kidnap freedom. Our freedom or the other's freedom. Or when we have an ego hiding behind love, or jealousy that wants to speak in the name of love. Or fear comes in to kill love. Or dependance interferes .. love is free and independant...

With love comes allot of Joy, that is silent, it is not excitement.. It is tranquil, calm and cool, yet feels real and we can sense it. And harmony is created, when we don’t try to change each other, when we totally accept the difference in the other, this creates harmony since when there is acceptance there is no disagreement.
True love is more or less like a friendship, no one is superior on the other, each friend totally accepts the other the way he or she is, and knows that his friends way, perspective and thoughts about life is different, but still loves all those differences about the other. Those friends love unconditionally, yet don't expect anything in return. That's how true love is… true love is imperfect and does not have any expectations….. it helps us grow and learn about ourselves.. true love is about relating to the other, not about a relationship… it's allot of exploring of the self and the other through a journey that is not rosy nor perfect but is certainly joyful and worth taking..…

I must point out these are my personal random thoughts on this topic… which may only apply to me… I can't really generalize since I haven't yet met anyone as crazy as I am! And I think Gibran talks about love in a wonderful way

Friday, July 11, 2008

Nostalgic Summer Night

Nostalgic summer night
Colder than January Snow sight
I miss the tender summer breeze
I miss the public seats
The view of summer houses alive
Curved on hills and mountains
I miss the open door
Old windows
The secrets being told
Words and loud laughter

I miss the rhythm of hesitant footsteps
And the beat of silence between words
The echo of cars between shadows of stone homes
I miss the scattered clouds
The clear sky

Truth is hidden behind tears
On such summer nights
What are we most nostalgic for?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Rami Left the Hospital on a Wheal chair!

Reading this with the morning coffee doesn't make the day start smoothly! Rami, a 17 year old young man , who was part of the bus accident that took place five months ago, just left the hospital on a wheal chair!
The writer of the article Suhair Jaradat calls the bus, the death bus , which is a very accurate description on what that accident did! The accident not only killed Rami's friends, it also killed parts of his body, his dream, his opportunity to finish his Tawjehi and enroll at the university , the bus killed Rami's dependence on his legs, the bus kidnapped that families' happiness with Rami's first semester great Tawjehe results. Rami now can't walk, nothing in his body can move except his hands and head.
Though the death bus was able to kill all of the above, one thing it failed to kill, is the hope of Rami's father… Rami's father faith is something no bus was able to kill… he sold his share in the water tank he works on as a driver, and left to pursue medical treatment outside the country for his son who he hopes will be able to walk again…
While this article reminds me of a post Naseem wrote few months ago. Specially that Rami's parents were not paid any compensation for this accident. His majesty gave Rami a scholarship to study communications like he dreamt, but Rami now can't do that since he couldn’t attend the Tawjehi second semester exams, so that hope was killed or probably postponed too.
Nothing can be more painful than a dream's death! I thought maybe Hikmat institute can help Rami through his tough journey . I hope they have a plan to contribute in making Rami's journey easier in a way or another.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Guess who's coming to Jordan?

After few days of delay on my schedule to start studying for my PMP exam, which is only 3 weeks away, I studied for an hour, which only enabled me to read few pages with so much concentration, and analysis, I almost forgot how much effort and energy it takes to study something , you will be examined for by a non Jordanian learning institute! It takes so much effort and I can't anymore procrastinate and leave going through the topic for the very last day, few hours before the exam and still get mad when I can only get B+ ! though sometimes, through the same strategy I easily get an A. this time is a different story and I need to make a real effort….. yet keep my fingers crossed to pass...

Anyway, yesterday's newspaper grabbed my attention, I tend to get distracted so quickly when I'm studying! Like all humans I guess! And guess who's coming to Jordan? Noor, Mohanad and Dana! I can't wait for my dad to get back home to tell him, he likes Dana so much, he thinks she's the most beautiful in the series, and off course I agree with him, at the end she's the only artist in the series… she will not only come… she will sing as well…
That's it… back to my studying…

Monday, July 7, 2008

Strengths Finder 2.0

Since I did this online test "strengths finder" I really wanted to blog about it. I don’t like online tests, but when someone I trust his/her opinions suggests something for me , I do it! I take advice, which is not common for someone who combines an OX Chinese sign with a Taurus horoscope!! Which makes stubbornness level usually rise as a combination! But I guess I'm a unique combination of those two, I take advice! :)
The way I did the test? I bought the book "Strengths finder 2.0" for Tom Rath, and inside the book you get a free pass key to do one exam, and find your strengths online. I think there's a way to do just pay for the exam online without buying the book and get the same result!
The idea of the strength finder which is based on allots of research and surveys with people, is to focus on our strengths instead of our weaknesses. The equation that Tom Rath puts in his book is :
Talent * Investment= Strength

While talent is the natural way of thinking, feeling or behaving
Investment is the time spent practicing, developing your skills, and building your knowledge base .And Strength is the ability to consistently provide near- perfect performance.
By using this equation, he empowers the idea that allot of investment on poor talent will never make this aspect your strength. Thus you need to know your real talents (through strength finder probably) and invest on those, since those are what can make you excel if you invested the time to develop this talent into a real strength.
Tom Rath doesn't believe that " You can be anythimg you want to be, if you just try hard enough" he rather believes " you cannot be anything you want to be- but you CAN be a lot more of who you already are."
The exam is basically several questions that takes around 30 minutes to answer, you see two statements on the screen, one the extreme left side and one on the extreme right side, and you have several circles on a line between those 2 statements, you must answer quickly, which statement feels like its describing you, you check the circle closer to it, if you feel that you feel both statements resemble you equally you pick the circle in the middle between both statements. Your instinct guides blindly to certain statements that you instantly feel that's me… and away from other statements that you feel like… it may sound good but its not me… you must do it so quickly or the question will fly…
After you finish the test your 5 most important strengths, are identified in the sequence of their strength or relevance to you, the first is the strongest you have…etc.. you will also get a brief description about each theme, a description on what makes you stand out, and ideas for action.. the report you will receive will give you insights on what kind of career path best suits you.. and you might accordingly decide to quit your job! LOL! Or ask for different things from you boss based on your strengths, start the business idea you had in mind few years ago and ignored for a good while etc..
There are 34 themes that your 5 will be from which are in alphabetical sequence: Achiever, Activator, Adaptability, Analytical , Arranger, Belief, Command, Communication, Competition, Connectedness, Consistency, Context, Deliberative, Developer, Discipline, Empathy, Focus, Futuristic, Harmony, Ideation, includer, Individualization, Input, Intellection, Learner, Maximizer, Positivity, Relator, Responsibility, Restorative, Self-Assurance, Significance, Strategic, Woo (winning others over)
though the 34 are strengths ( All positve), even if the ego is sky high , you can easily say this isn't me or this is mroe like me... the name alone doesnt explain, the description of each theme best explains what Tom meant by that strength, or what qualiteis /charecteristics did he combine under that theme.. but no matter what guesses you try to make before you do the test, you might get 2 out of 5 right, if you are someone who know yourself well, and have worked enough to experience your strengths at diffeerent points... but certainly the test is worth taking...

The book describes each theme in detail, and even identifies ways to overcome this strength being a negative thing in your life… if not managed probably… which happens…
The reason I'm impressed with this test, is that I really got 5 themes that absolutely describe me! And the ideas for action and everything is very interesting and I can easily relate to it! and the test seemed to be very creative in its structure yet simple and apperently done with so much intellegence to reveal the right result. anyway, if you are curious, my themes in the correct sequence are :
1. Ideation : People who are especially talented in the ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.
2. Responsibility : People who are especially talented in the responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty. ( I found that i suffer as well from this strength, by overcommiting myself sometimes & taking initiataive of taking responsiblity coz its my talent!)
3. Empathy : (I still can't understand this being a strength! I wish I can let go of it 80% of the time, my life would've been…. How?! I wonder) it means sense the feelings of other people, by imagining themselves in others' lives or others situations. (I found that i can be in a different career path that can make use of this talent, not sure if i'll go for that though)
4. Achiever: achievers have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive! ( I think that’s me too)
5. Adaptability: adaptable people prefer to go with the flow, they tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time. ( People who know me well, know that's certainly me)
So do the test if you have the time.... and share your results :)