Friday, December 12, 2008

شايف البحر شو كبير


كلنا نسمع و نغني لفيروز "شايف البحر شو كبير، قد البحر بحبك" ولا أحد يعلم أين هو حب فيروز الذي يستحيل قياسه بهدية تهدى في عيد ميلاد الحبيب أو عيد العشاق......اعيش في زمن يستهلك فيه الحب كما تستهلك جميع المنتجات الاخرى. يقارن حب بحب للاختيار. هناك مقياس دقيق للحب، مقياس لما يحسب كحب وما لا يحسب حب . أعيش في زمن ألام اذا استطعت أن أعيش حب اتعرى فيه تماما من اي تصنع أواحتياج أو متطلبات... الام ان احببت دون ان انتظر مقابل يساوي في المقدار... ألام ان استطعت أن احب دون أن اشعر بالغيرة أو الشوق.. وكأن الالم لا الفرح أصبح جزء من مكونات الحب ......

يستهلك الحب برشفات محسوبة القدر وهناك مقاييس تدل أن العلاقة ناجحة أو فاشلة..... هدايا مادية تهدى في مناسبات معينة لا يجوز نسيانها... مشاعر مفتعلة من الغيرة والشوق والالم تصنف العلاقة بأنها علاقة حب وعشق...حسابات رياضية واضحة وطقوس غرامية واجبة يجمع فيها العطاء ويطرح الأخذ لوضوح المعادلة والكفة التي تثقل يكون حب هذا الشخص أكبر....حتى لو كان جزء من العطاء المحسوب هو جرعات غيرة تسببت بألم... . وبناءا عليه تستمر علاقات وتنتهي علاقات باسم الحب..... واستهلاكه.... الطقوس التي تدل على أن العلاقة علاقة حب طقوس لا تمت بالحب بصلة... ولكن ترتبط بعلاقة وثيقة "باستهلاكية الحب"... فالعلاقات والطقوس متشابهه في كل العلاقات ولا يستحب اهمال اي منها.... هناك قوانين واضحة لما يجب تقديمه في اي علاقة والمشاعر التي يجب احساسها (أو افتعالها) في كل حدث.. فالعلاقات والحب مشروط بحصول هذه الشروط وفق المقاييس المتعارف عليها.... والتي قد لا تناسب الافراد بالضرورة أو شخصياتهم ولكنها موضة ويجب اتباعها حتى يتم تصنيف العلاقات بالشكل المطلوب.... ويسوق للحب برسائل جاهزة وأغاني ووسائل اتصال تسهل عملية استهلاك الحب على مدار اليوم وبأسعار متفاوتة تمكن الجميع من الحب وقد تمكن البعض من حب أكثر من شخص في نفس الوقت... فالمعايير اصبحت معروفة، تتكرر نفسها مع اختلاف الافراد... ولا يوجد اي فرق.....

Friday, November 14, 2008

Letters in draft items

Being a very expressive person I have written so many cards, letters, emails, few blog posts and text messages to people……. Expressive notes, both positive and negative…. Pressing send was always the easiest thing to do…. Sometimes for harsh ones, I reread my email further and further… edit… and delete some words…then send …. for the first time today, I have an email written with tears kept unsent in my drafts…. After writing it and reading it I decided, it doesn't really have to be sent… but it had to be written..… I have many sent messages that I sent… but was probably best kept in drafts….. which makes me think, if I can keep them in drafts…. Well, I have so many letters to write!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Working 9 to 5!!?! :)

This post is for all my dear friends who used to envy my home based job…. And are now waiting for me to start nagging from going to a "real" office from 9 to 5!! My third week is about to end… and the good news for all of you… is that I'm enjoying it way more than I thought I would….. I now know that I'm the one who was supposed to envy you guys! For missing this office work for 4 whole years! Thinking I was blessed working at home!!

Working home based was good for a while… but hell it cannot be compared with working in an office….. Though I think there's allot more wasted time in an office… but that's what normal social interaction consumes… and it's not at all wasted… as it builds the right environment and team spirit… it's a whole new experience for me… and when I meet with colleagues, I feel like "That's real" and the picture and sound is clear… unlike my videoconferencing experiences!!

Yes Rula, I do sleep early, "Zay el Jaj"! so that I make sure I wake up very fresh to walk to the office…..

And this journey, is interesting…. I'm learning how to work with people around me talking!! Which is something unlikely for me…. As I usually need allot of concentration and silence to perform…. Because that's how I used to work for 4 years… alone in my room… with no disturbance!! So sometimes I sneak early in the office to enjoy an hour or half an hour of silence… or stay late to work after the office is less crowded and the possibility of enjoying a more silent productive atmosphere is higher…..

So that's just the very shallow comparison for my new transformation….. I'll have to say allot more if I didn’t have my name on this blog….
Would you remind me, which one of you suggested I stop blogging Anonymously?

Long story short: I'm enjoying a REAL experience….

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Youth Action Fund - OSI

Guys,
I think this is a grant for social projects that is worth considering.... I'm sure we all have zillion of ideas to benefit our community that we wish we can fund! you can apply online https://oas.soros.org/oas/


enjoy,

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I Forgot

It's been long since we last talked
I forgot were the story stopped
I remember I stopped giving excuses
For the apologies I never heard
I remember I decided to forget
All the good moments
Those were only in my head
I forgot what was last said
Maybe you said take care
And I said see you soon
And you were right
And I was mistaken
As usual
You were right
As usual
I saw light
It's been so so long
I forgot how the story stopped
Have I forgotten what I should remember?
If I see you
Should I smile
Or Should I be mad
It's been so long
And I forgot
Forgot how the story stopped

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Changes......

It rained yesterday and today… and I'm absolutely loving it…. I love the smell of the first rain…. The scent of wet earth… it smells so fresh… the air feels so clean and fresh...

Among so many transformations taking place in my life… changing seasons came in the most appropriate timing to lead my senses to a new beginning in a new season....

Changing seasons… changing colors…. It feels so fresh and great….
I'm welcoming all this change with an open heart and allot of enthusiasm…..
I'm loving it....

Friday, September 19, 2008

شعور بالحرية

مرت مدة طويلة منذ ان تحرك قلمي... اكسله قلة الطاقة في شهر رمضان المبارك فما عاد يتحرك الى لكتابة اسطر مجبرة للعمل او الدراسة.... كدت انسى ان لي مدونة مع كل ما يدور في عالمي الصغير من مشاريع، تقلبات وأفكار...
واليوم اعود ولا اعد بالكثير من الكلمات...
اعود عاشقة لللغة العربية من جديد....
اعود باحساس بالحرية يغمرني ، احساس لم يسبقه مثيل...
وكأنني سلبت حرية اختيار طريق حياتي لمدة من الزمن واستعدتها كهبة وهبتها وانا اتأمل عملي بملل....
فأيقنت ان حان الوقت لتجربة جديدة، توقظني بحماس كل صباح ليوم عمل جديد... .....
تجربة تشعرني بأنها تخاطب روحي فتحفزني للعمل بكل طاقتي...
يصعب علي ان اشرح شعوري..
لانني لم اشعر يوما انني لست حرة، الا عندما قررت ان ابحث عن عمل جديد...
يومها احسست انني امتلك حياتي وان لا شيء يقلقني ..احسست بحرية اشعرتني انني لم اكن حرة قبل هذا القرار.. فعرفت ان الحرية هي الشعور بأن لا أفكار اقوى من افكاري.... عندما تشعر انك قادر على التغلب على فكرة سائدة لما "يجب عمله" او "واجب عمله" او " من الطبيعي عمله" لتعمل عملا لا يتناغم ما هو متعارف عليه او ما حولك من افكار ولكنه يتناغم بايقاع رائع مع دقات قلبك حينها تشعر بالحرية... بأن لا شيء يحكم خطواتك الا افكارك الغير متأثرة بما هو حولك ... فتملك حياتك من جديد....
هذه الايام استعد لمرحلة انتقالية تنقلني الى عمل جديد.... انهي هذا الشهر عملي الحالي لانتقل بعد العيد لعمل في مجال يختلف تماما عما
عملت به لأربع سنوات.... وكلي حماس للتجربة الجديدة واختلافها
تواصلت مع شخص لطالما الهمني فكره، الدكتور منير فاشه في ما يدور في ذهني من افكار حول معنى الحرية، فأرسل لي بما كتبه يوما عن هذا الموضوع والذي سوف اضيفه الى ما كتبته انا
عسى ان يلهمكم كما الهمني
منير فاشه:
ربما يشكل مفهوم الحرية أساساً لشق طرق خارج فلك العولمة. يجري الكلام حالياً حول الحرية السياسية والاجتماعية والفكرية والتعبيرية، ولكن بطريقة تبقينا داخل المنطق السائد. الحرية في أضعف مفاهيمها هي حرية التعبير والخيار واتخاذ القرار، ويلي ذلك حرية المشاركة في العمل بهدف بناء المستقبل. وهما نوعان لا يتعارضان بالضرورة مع العولمة. أما المفهوم الأكثر جوهرية في نظري فيكمن في حرية البحث المستقل عن المعنى، وفي تفسير الكلمات والظواهر، وفي إعادة النظر في المعايير والممارسات والإدراكات السائدة، وفي شق طريق أصيل في الفهم؛ أي الحرية في المشاركة في التأليف والتفسير والفهم والإدراك. سأختار المشي كمثال لتوضيح ذلك. الحرية من النوع الأول تشبه حرية الشخص في اختيار طريق من بين طرق معبّدة، وحرية القرار على أيها يسير، وحرية اختيار وسيلة النقل. والحرية من النوع الثاني تشبه حرية المشاركة في فتح طرق جديدة حسب المقاييس والقوانين والأعراف السائدة. أما الحرية من النوع الثالث فتتمثل في أن تشق طريقك بنفسك حسب ما يفرضه الواقع وخبراتك وقناعاتك، ما قد يعني المشي في الحقول والوديان وعلى رؤوس الجبال. الحرية من النوعين الأول والثاني تعني التحرك بحرية تامة داخل الأقفاص الفكرية السائدة. الحرية من النوع الثالث تبدأ بوعي وجود عوالم خارج هذه الأقفاص، وباكتساب الجرأة على التخيل والتجربة والعمل خارجها. ومن الجدير بالذكر أننا كثيراً ما نستبطن منطق الأقفاص المهيمنة، فندافع عنها بكل قوة. هناك عدة وسائل للجم الحرية من النوع الثالث، لعل أكثرها فاعلية هي الكلمات والمعاني والمعايير المسموح بها – كما ذكرت سابقاً.

سأعطي مثالاً آخر لتوضيح الحرية من النوع الثالث. في زيارة لي لولاية "واهاكا" في جنوب المكسيك، ذكر لي صديق أن أحد ما يطالب به السكان الأصليون الحكومة المكسيكية هو ليس تغيير السجون أو تحسينها في الولاية، وإنما العيش بدون سجون. إذ حسب تقاليدهم ورؤيتهم للأمور، من يضر بآخرين أو يخطئ بحق المجتمع، فإن المجتمع مسؤول قدر الشخص، ما يجعل فصله عن الناس فكرة طائشة. بعبارة أخرى، لا تُحل المشكلة في رأيهم عن طريق عزل الشخص عن الآخرين بل عن طريق التفاعل معه ووضع جهد لمحاولة فهم ما حصل (من قبل الطرفين). أي أن مطلبهم في جوهره هو أن يُترك لهم المجال لأن يعيشوا حسب طرقهم في العيش، فالتنوع الحقيقي هو ليس تنوعاً يتعلق بنوع السجون أو تحسينها، وإنما في تحرير فكرهم وخيالهم من فكرة السجون بالذات.

مثال آخر عشته في الضفة الغربية خلال عقد السبعينيات، ويعكس ما أقوله هنا، تمثل في تأكيدي في عملي مع معلمي الرياضيات على أنه لا يوجد طفل غير منطقي، وإذا قابلنا طفلاً لا نفهم منطقه أو لا نوافق على منطقه، فإن ذلك لا يعني أنه غير منطقي. وهذا بلا شك يضع علينا مسؤولية من نوع آخر، إذ يتطلب منا وضع جهد لمحاولة فهم منطق ذلك الطفل بدلاً من حل المشكلة عن طريق اتهامه بـ "اللامنطقية"، ما يتطلب إعادة النظر فيما نعنيه بمنطق ومعرفة.







شعور بالحرية....

مرت مدة طويلة منذ ان تحرك قلمي... اكسله قلة الطاقة في شهر رمضان المبارك فما عاد يتحرك الى لكتابة اسطر مجبرة للعمل او الدراسة.... كدت انسى ان لي مدونة مع كل ما يدور في عالمي الصغير من مشاريع، تقلبات وأفكار...
واليوم اعود ولا اعد بالكثير من الكلمات...
اعود عاشقة لللغة العربية من جديد....
اعود باحساس بالحرية يغمرني ، احساس لم يسبقه مثيل...
وكأنني سلبت حرية اختيار طريق حياتي لمدة من الزمن واستعدتها كهبة وهبتها وانا اتأمل عملي بملل....
فأيقنت ان حان الوقت لتجربة جديدة، توقظني بحماس كل صباح ليوم عمل جديد... .....
تجربة تشعرني بأنها تخاطب روحي فتحفزني للعمل بكل طاقتي...
يصعب علي ان اشرح شعوري..
لانني لم اشعر يوما انني لست حرة، الا عندما قررت ان ابحث عن عمل جديد...
يومها احسست انني امتلك حياتي وان لا شيء يقلقني ..احسست بحرية اشعرتني انني لم اكن حرة قبل هذا القرار.. فعرفت ان الحرية هي الشعور بأن لا أفكار اقوى من افكاري.... عندما تشعر انك قادر على التغلب على فكرة سائدة لما "يجب عمله" او "واجب عمله" او " من الطبيعي عمله" لتعمل عملا لا يتناغم ما هو متعارف عليه او ما حولك من افكار ولكنه يتناغم بايقاع رائع مع دقات قلبك حينها تشعر بالحرية... بأن لا شيء يحكم خطواتك الا افكارك الغير متأثرة بما هو حولك ... فتملك حياتك من جديد....
هذه الايام استعد لمرحلة انتقالية تنقلني الى عمل جديد.... انهي هذا الشهر عملي الحالي لانتقل بعد العيد لعمل في مجال يختلف تماما عما عمات به لأربع سنوات.... وكلي حماس للتجربة الجديدة واختلافها.....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Action Committee- Ramadan Kareem

The active Action Committee are again planning for a great project, this time its Iftar and food packages!! If you want to contribute please hurry up so that food packages can reach people sooner in the month of Ramadan! It seems they are open to suggestions and ideas! if you have an idea or you think like me that certain areas are of more need than Amman and have less access for donations they are more than willing to help you do what you want to do!

I want to go south so probalby if more people are intersted in the idea, we can fill a big truck and go!
their package seems really good in terms of quantities that can sustain a family hoepfully for a month.
Ramadan food package is going to cost 20JDs and will contain:
3 kg Rice
3 kg Sugar
2 kg Beans
2 kg Lentils
6 Packs of Pasta
2 Cans Tomato Paste
1 kg Tea
2 A’mar Eldin
1 Oil
½ kg Dates
12 packs Maggie


they are also planning to help in organizing two iftars (16/09 & 24/09). If you are interested in helping out during these days please give them a call. The kind of help they will need during the Iftar's other than donations will be more of playing with kids and entetaining poor kids before and after Eftar! which is absolutely FUN to do! :)

If you wish to sponsor a family or help in volunteering in the two iftars, please give them a call. You can also join them during the distribution.
Sara 079 5154498
Ahmad 0797052348

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Ministry of Health-AIDS/HIV awareness Campaign

As much as I respect such awareness Campaigns and generally discussing the unspoken! I just wonder if the ministry's role is to create stereotypes, like do you know that the very beautiful girls might be having AIDS! or do you know that the strong handsome guy might have AIDS!!

and have you ever used a toothbrush that isn't yours!! that makes me question my own knowledge of the possible ways of VIRUS transfer... I should check this information out... maybe I dont have enough information about it... I'll probably call their hotline to check what does the sharing of toothbrush!!! If it happened has to do with AIDS!!!

on another note, calling homosexual a dangerous sexual act, will not encourage any homosexuals to call this hotline... I guess....

Friday, August 15, 2008

Back to Irbid… and Day dreaming….



It's been around 2 years if not a bit more since I last went to Irbid, and so much has changed…. I'm so glad I had to go today to attend a very precious friend's Engagement… which was a beautiful party I enjoyed so much…


I never knew I missed these long rides to Irbid…. I used to spend the way dreaming.. . either literally sleeping and dreaming or day dreaming..…
My journey today was beautiful…. A very handsome driver(my brother) was driving fast enough yet considerate enough when I want to observe something or take pictures… I truly enjoyed the ride… I almost forgot how beautiful some areas on the way are… how green are some mountains… I forgot many of my dreams , a dream of a little house or cottage up the hill… and other dreams I built on the way to Irbid almost daily…. Dreams I developed everyday… in small bits… dreams I developed through the 4 years studying in Yarmouk… I thought of every bit of my future on this road… everyday…..
It felt like this trip reminded me to day dream… a habit I have lost with the very fast pace of my life recently… It's very sad, I can't recall when was the last time I spent a good hour gazing at something or nothing and day dreaming… today on the way to Irbid, I guess all three of us, Laith, Mais and Rozeen were day dreaming… and almost silent… while Laith trying to put the right music to put us in the mood of a party… or in the mood of love …. I wonder…
The way back was more of a heated discussion…. When three Taurus are in the same car, two of them born exactly same day (Rozeen & Laith) the discussion has allot of great sense of humor… and allot of consensus… it's scary!!! It's hilariously fun!


For those who miss Irbid, I would like to tell you that Abu Duraid is still as is… he changed the sign but still exists 7amdella… Golden spoon is going through renovation , that's why we couldn’t have dinner there! But guess what's new in Irbid? Hardes! And there seating is much nicer than Amman… much more comfortable and artistic…. Which I liked….
I think I should start taking long rides in my car…… to explore Jordan…. Road trips or something…. To keep refreshing my dreams and aspirations….

Action Committee: Back to school bookbag campaign

This post is a copy paste post to spread the word to the very few readers who read this blog:)

The Action Committee is accepting collections of school supplies to distribute amongst under-privileged students in the Kingdom. The last day to receive any donations is next Tuesday the 19th. The committee is looking for the following items:
- Backpacks & pencil cases.- Sweatpants, sweatshirts, socks (for P.E.)- Pencils, pens, erasers, rulers.- Notebooks, both English and Arabic.- Geometry sets (for grades 5 & up).- Glue sticks, colored pencils & markers.
You can volunteer for this campaign in a couple of ways:
1) Donations: either financially or any of the above mentioned items.
2) Packing the items.
3) Help us distribute the bags.
Also, if you’re a blogger, feel free to re-blog this post on your own blog. Spread the word!
You can contact Sara at 079-5154498
The Facebook Group

Monday, August 4, 2008

Passing PMP in 20 days of complete commitment



For friends and family who just want to hear the news, I passed :) I'm officially a PMP now…. I caught one of the stars I wanted to catch….. one of the stars I had hanging in my room for a long time now.. Thanks for the great support and words of encouragment.… for PMP aspirants who need to get insight from my experience and lessons learnt please continue reading..

Initiation
My journey towards the PMP started as soon as I started work almost 4 years ago, when I felt attracted to the multidisciplinary aspect of project management profession. My work was and still is directly related to the profession. I took the first training in project management and started keeping track of the projects I work on to make sure that I will be ready to fill the demanding application when I complete the eligibility requirements of work and graduate from my BA. Through my work, I tried as much as possible to practice PMI standards and best practices to keep the knowledge I gained from training fresh and aligned with real life experience.
When I completed 3 years of work on projects, and graduated I decided to take an exam preparation course and take the exam right after it, I was hoping to be one of the youngest having this certification, since I had my work experience parallel to my BA. I took the training last year and couldn’t for various reasons do the exam right after.
After a long road of procrastination, and delays for valid and non valid reason… On my 23rd birthday (May 13th 2008) I scheduled my exam to be on August 3rd 08. I made sure to schedule it in a time where I would be able to take days off from work and MBA.
Planning
Off course I set a very optimistic schedule which required from me a daily study of an hour or 2 since the exam schedule date, I didn’t stick to the schedule set. I wasn’t taking it seriously, and I was too confident that it would be an easy exam and will not require much effort …… I had allot of work to do… and other MBA exams to study…. UNTIL… I called the Prometric testing site in Jordan early July, to check that my schedule is confirmed with them exactly just like I set it online….. and the lady confirmed and asked me to bring the eligibility letter, passport, and schedule notice. Also informed me that the exam is 4 hours, and that the result will be shown immediately!! OMG, are you sure? Immediately? You mean as soon as I finish it? She said yes, and I just felt like telling her, ok thanks I need to go study immediately! It seems more serious than I expected, I wonder why I don’t remember I heard this information earlier!! I guess subconsciously the idea of setting for the exam became more serious when I knew the result is immediate, that I will not wait another month to get a result which I can say I didn’t study well, I had circumstances and do the blame game… I had to be responsible, its immediate!! That call was seriously my first PMP adrenaline rise which caused me to get stressed!! Which is OK, and HEALTHY in my opinion especially when compared to my state of "self confidence" ! :)
So I decided to do more research, ask people who passed the exam, who trained me.. who know more… what is there advice for me… any advice… on exam… on ways of studying … anything…
So I called Ammar Mango… who was the first person to teach me project management skills 3 years ago when I wasn't yet eligible to take the exam…. As much as I was impressed by Ammar as a trainer, who never fails to make you fully grasp the knowledge, the spirit, and application of the project management profession with all his passion for the subject , real life experience examples and sense of humor. Ammar is defiantly a project manager enabler! Ammar gave me allot of time on the phone, and later face to face to answer all my questions and concerns regarding the exam, effective ways of studying, and Ammar's online training which I then considered to make it part of my exam preparation, after I knew from Ammar more about it.
Studying strategy
My studying inspiration was based on what James said in the first class last year in an exam preparation training I took in DC, I AM , I CAN , I WILL! I had to read this sign several times a day to get my thoughts, mind , and heart to full commitment to study hard. As James says, to STAY ON PURPOSE!

I had so much commitment for studying, which I only remember having when I did my O LEVEL GCE exams!! It was very hard to go through the PMBOK , thus I followed Ammar's suggestion of doing the online course then reading the PMBOK.
Online training: the best decision I did this year after the decision of scheduling the exam! Was taking Method online training, which goes by processes, displays information that is in the PMBOK in a form much easier to grasp, in points ,in visual tools, accompanied by the excellent explanation provided by Ammar in his calm clear voice. (which can be in English or Arabic, depending on the chosen language) So Ammar explains while you see the slides, which is a great way of learning, since it involves more than one sense, listening and seeing. It's much easier than holding the book to read and read endlessly not being sure if what you understood is true or not. And with limited time to study, you can take the online training in the middle of the night or early in the morning depending on your biological clock to make sure you have full concentration and understanding.

My method of using the online training was taking the training, while the PMBOK is opened on the related process described, I use highlighters and post it notes on the pages to add the information that Ammar is saying which is not justified or detailed enough in the PMBOK, so that when I read the PMBOK I would refer to these notes to recall what was said in the online training and link ideas. This makes the PMBOK by the time I finish studying, along with several flash cards I prepared the complete studying material which covers almost everything.
Reading the PMBOK after the training was magical, paragraphs which failed to make sense or sink before the training, are completely understood and mentally linked to other parts process or knowledge areas to make complete integrated picture.
The beauty of the online training, is that you feel as if someone is staying up late with you to teach you, and it is not as demanding as reading through a book. It's actually allot of fun, and so effective.
If anyone has taken training long time ago, like I did, last year, I think you need this online training, though my work is directly related as I said, depending on your memory of what you learnt long time ago, and how you manage things is not enough to pass. You need to grasp how PMI wants you to manage projects not how you do it. which is something you can clearly grasp from Ammar's training which concentrates on the spirit of the PMI in a beautiful way through learning… knowing the right answer becomes natural and instinct… It's a course I would recommend as a core source for studying the exam.
I also read through training course materials I had from exam preparation course, specially the stuff that I felt were explained more thoroughly there
QUALITY
PMP preparation for me wasn't a part time activity, I took the time off from work to make sure I put my full commitment and time for this purpose.
My browser home page was the PMHUB, which I would check whenever I open the browser (several times a day) I would check new PMPs lessons learnt, and try to solve some questions from their questions bank ( that's how I spent my break time! ).

RISK
I was very aware of how critical things can get if any negative risk happened in those 20 days, thus I tried my best to take good care of my health, committed to the daily vitamins which I never committed to before. I knew how spoiled I can get when I get ill, and I wanted to try my best to lower the probability of that risk occurring by performing several risk mitigation techniques like staying warm and eating good. My health precautions included drinking much water, to not get dehydrated, stopping any caffeinated drinks ( No coffee no Tea) since I read that it decreases concentration. ( can you imagine? I was that committed , Mais stopped COFFEE!!! )

My recommendations
I recommend Ammar's training, as a first phase of studying since it covers PMBOK and out of PMBOK information that is required in the exam. And you will see it popping up in the exam frequently, where you will feel like "Ammar you are the best!"
Read the PMBOK once
Solve at least 1 complete simulation exam (200 questions). I found PMSTUDY exam very close to real PMP exam, close in terms of difficulty, percentage of easy exams to hard exams, number of questions requiring calculations..etc.. after first exam, my second PMP adrenaline rise happened, since I wasnt satisfied with 66% as result
Read the PMBOK again, you will notice your concentration will drift to areas that exam questions made you aware of its importance or ways it can be questioned.
Solve more and more questions.
Note: Researching any term that you pass by in the PMBOK as a tool, management criteria, delegation, power, and specially quality issues or those which the PMHUB mentions as important in lessons learnt by PMPs is essential, for that I used Google and Wikipedia .
A day before the exam do a revision of your weak areas, important points. One of the great sources of revision I found was for blogger Sridhar from the US.
During the exam
I was very confident, I knew I studied well. I was thinking IAM, I CAN, I WILL
Took first 12 minutes to write down page 70 of PMBOK, and memory dump of all equations that I memorized which can were summed up all in Sridhar's blog . this guy is so smart, he didn’t miss any rule.
I took 2 hours of the exam, questions seemed easy, but I got so bored… and was ahead of time in terms of question solving… took around 7 minutes break, ate KITKAT :) and drank some water!
Got back finished exam 50 minutes early, revised marked questions. Felt very confident that I will pass the exam and thanks God after seconds of waiting for the result which felt like an hour of waiting where my third PMP Adrenaline rise happened to its peak... I did it ... I passed the exam.
Allow me to sign my name like I dreamt to one day 4 years ago
Mais Irqsusi, PMP

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Turning 23…. What is true love?

It's been exactly 2 months since I turned 23, and I always wanted to write about how it felt to experience every age…. since whenever I look back, I can't really recall how did it feel when I was 18, what was the most important discovery then… We forget the most important sensations and growth points which developed us the way we are… we forget how important were some questions for us… they get answered through the journey and we ignore the answer… we reach answers yet we never mention it was answered… but this reminded me of sharing one of my answers…

When life was just beginning… Knowing what true love is was an important question for me… today it is in fact one of my major discoveries… among all the interesting questions I have… I have one absolutely fundamental question answered somewhere through the journey of the 23 summers I lived … and the answer is so far convincing to my heart…
What is true love? I've been blessed enough to get this question answered specifically … for now I believe only when you reach that answer do you really experience life differently… this question is one of the questions that certainly exist in our mind, whether we notice its existence or not…. It pops out in relations where we try to figure out the feelings which we truly feel towards the other… is it real? Is it true love?

For the young guys/girls, true love is not perfect, it's not the handsome, sexy, rich, smart, witty package which you feel very excited for and would happily call it true love. Nor is she/he the guy/girl who will know your favorite ice cream flavor!

True love is not a perfect fairy tale, it's real, so real, it tastes just like real life… it's not dreamy, it's not lust, it's allot of imperfections yet enough love to accept a completely different individual . To love that individual unconditionally. True love is when you know you can be yourself in absolutely every moment with this person. Is when you know you don’t have to look in the mirror before seeing the other, yet the other will become a mirror that through it you can know yourself.
When you are capable of breaking all ego, possessiveness, jealousy, all your unreal, pretended selves and be an absolutely naked soul with all your imperfections and yet feel that you are completely accepted and loved and your imperfections are as cherished as your ideal characteristics….. When you are able to Love unconditionally and without expectations. That level of trust, is intimacy. Intimacy brings about growth, which may sometimes be painful. That's why I say, after true love, you experience life differently. You know more about your own self, that you can't settle for less than truth. You have fully integrated your real self, and your realized imperfections, you expose them to the universe and can no longer accept not being accepted fully… or loved true love just like you're finally capable of …... you acknowledge that you are a whole, this whole is not perfect, but it's capable of loving, and being loved. Just like the other is not perfect, but with the imperfections it is whole. You cherish your sincere honest self, and the other's different individuality.
Unfortunately, through our journey we get trapped with how we were conditioned about love. And we mix understandings, we think that we can replace freedom with love, freedom comes first. And it's the highest value, and all our problems arise when we decide we will allow love to kidnap freedom. Our freedom or the other's freedom. Or when we have an ego hiding behind love, or jealousy that wants to speak in the name of love. Or fear comes in to kill love. Or dependance interferes .. love is free and independant...

With love comes allot of Joy, that is silent, it is not excitement.. It is tranquil, calm and cool, yet feels real and we can sense it. And harmony is created, when we don’t try to change each other, when we totally accept the difference in the other, this creates harmony since when there is acceptance there is no disagreement.
True love is more or less like a friendship, no one is superior on the other, each friend totally accepts the other the way he or she is, and knows that his friends way, perspective and thoughts about life is different, but still loves all those differences about the other. Those friends love unconditionally, yet don't expect anything in return. That's how true love is… true love is imperfect and does not have any expectations….. it helps us grow and learn about ourselves.. true love is about relating to the other, not about a relationship… it's allot of exploring of the self and the other through a journey that is not rosy nor perfect but is certainly joyful and worth taking..…

I must point out these are my personal random thoughts on this topic… which may only apply to me… I can't really generalize since I haven't yet met anyone as crazy as I am! And I think Gibran talks about love in a wonderful way

Friday, July 11, 2008

Nostalgic Summer Night

Nostalgic summer night
Colder than January Snow sight
I miss the tender summer breeze
I miss the public seats
The view of summer houses alive
Curved on hills and mountains
I miss the open door
Old windows
The secrets being told
Words and loud laughter

I miss the rhythm of hesitant footsteps
And the beat of silence between words
The echo of cars between shadows of stone homes
I miss the scattered clouds
The clear sky
Sunset

Truth is hidden behind tears
On such summer nights
What are we most nostalgic for?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Rami Left the Hospital on a Wheal chair!

Reading this with the morning coffee doesn't make the day start smoothly! Rami, a 17 year old young man , who was part of the bus accident that took place five months ago, just left the hospital on a wheal chair!
The writer of the article Suhair Jaradat calls the bus, the death bus , which is a very accurate description on what that accident did! The accident not only killed Rami's friends, it also killed parts of his body, his dream, his opportunity to finish his Tawjehi and enroll at the university , the bus killed Rami's dependence on his legs, the bus kidnapped that families' happiness with Rami's first semester great Tawjehe results. Rami now can't walk, nothing in his body can move except his hands and head.
Though the death bus was able to kill all of the above, one thing it failed to kill, is the hope of Rami's father… Rami's father faith is something no bus was able to kill… he sold his share in the water tank he works on as a driver, and left to pursue medical treatment outside the country for his son who he hopes will be able to walk again…
While this article reminds me of a post Naseem wrote few months ago. Specially that Rami's parents were not paid any compensation for this accident. His majesty gave Rami a scholarship to study communications like he dreamt, but Rami now can't do that since he couldn’t attend the Tawjehi second semester exams, so that hope was killed or probably postponed too.
Nothing can be more painful than a dream's death! I thought maybe Hikmat institute can help Rami through his tough journey . I hope they have a plan to contribute in making Rami's journey easier in a way or another.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Guess who's coming to Jordan?

After few days of delay on my schedule to start studying for my PMP exam, which is only 3 weeks away, I studied for an hour, which only enabled me to read few pages with so much concentration, and analysis, I almost forgot how much effort and energy it takes to study something , you will be examined for by a non Jordanian learning institute! It takes so much effort and I can't anymore procrastinate and leave going through the topic for the very last day, few hours before the exam and still get mad when I can only get B+ ! though sometimes, through the same strategy I easily get an A. this time is a different story and I need to make a real effort….. yet keep my fingers crossed to pass...

Anyway, yesterday's newspaper grabbed my attention, I tend to get distracted so quickly when I'm studying! Like all humans I guess! And guess who's coming to Jordan? Noor, Mohanad and Dana! I can't wait for my dad to get back home to tell him, he likes Dana so much, he thinks she's the most beautiful in the series, and off course I agree with him, at the end she's the only artist in the series… she will not only come… she will sing as well…
That's it… back to my studying…

Monday, July 7, 2008

Strengths Finder 2.0


Since I did this online test "strengths finder" I really wanted to blog about it. I don’t like online tests, but when someone I trust his/her opinions suggests something for me , I do it! I take advice, which is not common for someone who combines an OX Chinese sign with a Taurus horoscope!! Which makes stubbornness level usually rise as a combination! But I guess I'm a unique combination of those two, I take advice! :)
The way I did the test? I bought the book "Strengths finder 2.0" for Tom Rath, and inside the book you get a free pass key to do one exam, and find your strengths online. I think there's a way to do just pay for the exam online without buying the book and get the same result!
The idea of the strength finder which is based on allots of research and surveys with people, is to focus on our strengths instead of our weaknesses. The equation that Tom Rath puts in his book is :
Talent * Investment= Strength

While talent is the natural way of thinking, feeling or behaving
Investment is the time spent practicing, developing your skills, and building your knowledge base .And Strength is the ability to consistently provide near- perfect performance.
By using this equation, he empowers the idea that allot of investment on poor talent will never make this aspect your strength. Thus you need to know your real talents (through strength finder probably) and invest on those, since those are what can make you excel if you invested the time to develop this talent into a real strength.
Tom Rath doesn't believe that " You can be anythimg you want to be, if you just try hard enough" he rather believes " you cannot be anything you want to be- but you CAN be a lot more of who you already are."
The exam is basically several questions that takes around 30 minutes to answer, you see two statements on the screen, one the extreme left side and one on the extreme right side, and you have several circles on a line between those 2 statements, you must answer quickly, which statement feels like its describing you, you check the circle closer to it, if you feel that you feel both statements resemble you equally you pick the circle in the middle between both statements. Your instinct guides blindly to certain statements that you instantly feel that's me… and away from other statements that you feel like… it may sound good but its not me… you must do it so quickly or the question will fly…
After you finish the test your 5 most important strengths, are identified in the sequence of their strength or relevance to you, the first is the strongest you have…etc.. you will also get a brief description about each theme, a description on what makes you stand out, and ideas for action.. the report you will receive will give you insights on what kind of career path best suits you.. and you might accordingly decide to quit your job! LOL! Or ask for different things from you boss based on your strengths, start the business idea you had in mind few years ago and ignored for a good while etc..
There are 34 themes that your 5 will be from which are in alphabetical sequence: Achiever, Activator, Adaptability, Analytical , Arranger, Belief, Command, Communication, Competition, Connectedness, Consistency, Context, Deliberative, Developer, Discipline, Empathy, Focus, Futuristic, Harmony, Ideation, includer, Individualization, Input, Intellection, Learner, Maximizer, Positivity, Relator, Responsibility, Restorative, Self-Assurance, Significance, Strategic, Woo (winning others over)
though the 34 are strengths ( All positve), even if the ego is sky high , you can easily say this isn't me or this is mroe like me... the name alone doesnt explain, the description of each theme best explains what Tom meant by that strength, or what qualiteis /charecteristics did he combine under that theme.. but no matter what guesses you try to make before you do the test, you might get 2 out of 5 right, if you are someone who know yourself well, and have worked enough to experience your strengths at diffeerent points... but certainly the test is worth taking...

The book describes each theme in detail, and even identifies ways to overcome this strength being a negative thing in your life… if not managed probably… which happens…
The reason I'm impressed with this test, is that I really got 5 themes that absolutely describe me! And the ideas for action and everything is very interesting and I can easily relate to it! and the test seemed to be very creative in its structure yet simple and apperently done with so much intellegence to reveal the right result. anyway, if you are curious, my themes in the correct sequence are :
1. Ideation : People who are especially talented in the ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.
2. Responsibility : People who are especially talented in the responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty. ( I found that i suffer as well from this strength, by overcommiting myself sometimes & taking initiataive of taking responsiblity coz its my talent!)
3. Empathy : (I still can't understand this being a strength! I wish I can let go of it 80% of the time, my life would've been…. How?! I wonder) it means sense the feelings of other people, by imagining themselves in others' lives or others situations. (I found that i can be in a different career path that can make use of this talent, not sure if i'll go for that though)
4. Achiever: achievers have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive! ( I think that’s me too)
5. Adaptability: adaptable people prefer to go with the flow, they tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time. ( People who know me well, know that's certainly me)
So do the test if you have the time.... and share your results :)

Monday, June 30, 2008

Tunisia… the country of Doors… opens doors…



Since my critical political knowledge is still naïve… I will keep on ignoring the big mess taking place in my beloved country……. And I will keep blogging about the people, ideas, words, places and things I fall in love with… at least it's one of things I know how to talk about… falling in love has been always something I know how to master well…..


Tunis… an Arab state with a French ambiance… an old souk next to French style street cafes…. "Ey3ayshak" followed by a series of French terms I personally fail to understand… a city where time took a central position between its streets, making out of each second grace…
I got back with a camera filled with 67 doors pictures… a sign of a beginning of mild obsession…. Or severe… I wonder… Hammamat experience was great, I was inspired there!

The town of Sidi Bou Saïd is famous for its bright blue doors - matching the color of the intensely blue sky. The Andalusian style doors are too artistic to resist taking a picture of. Going to Sidi Bou Said like a tourist ,without a Tunisian friend made me miss tasting the Bambaloni! And you cannot reach that place and miss the best sweet on this universe! Thanks to Malek, I tried the Bambaloni in the evening…. And OMG! I now fail to accept the idea that our sweet is actually knafeh or Tamrieh!! My official national sweet is now Bambaloni whether it's nationally accepted or not!
Nisrene and Hala been just amazing in helping me get the best deals for my ceramic doors collection…and find the doors and take good pictures... the time we spent at the souk is just unforgettable… ... Balkees with her beautiful smile, Mohammad Ali, Malek and Omar… having the pine tea with all of you by the sea was just wonderful….

My life been crazy since I came back, and it's been hard to get myself to write anything about Tunisia… and yesterday I wrote a poem on the old stairways of Amman… and I thought I won't post anything before I post for Tunisia… Tunisia deserves a good post…..

My favorite word is certainly "e3ayshak" after it comes "barsha"
You cannot reach Hammamat and not do a "Harkos" (Tunisian Tatoo): mine is starting to fade now…
The best scent : "Mashmoom elful" (Jasmine), sold in every street..
The best object: doors, all doors opened doors and stairs that lead to doors…
The best tea: Tunisian tea with pine! Yes pine, and they don’t call it "snobar" they call it "bondok" like we call the hazelnut! But it's really good!! Good enough to drag my jasmine tea down the list of my favorite drinks.




I came back with a clear idea of how I will decorate my Art studio… bright blue will certainly be the main theme… and all the great art work I bought will hang carelessly on my walls… next to the pictures of doors I took…. It will be a Tunisian inspiration…


I was blessed in my trip, something about the obsession of the doors and starting to find them and observe them between the allies made me find doors within my own universe… opened doors that I didn’t notice earlier… and doors I knew it was time to close…… a woman who does handmade carpets for living in the old souk, tied three threads of wool from her carpet around my wrist when I spoke Arabic and said "Baraka"! that was my favorite moment in the whole trip, and the three threads are still around my wrist, ironically the colors are very similar to the colors of the Jordanian flag , only if the dark blue was black.
Some of my favorite taken pictures ( Many pictures I took had one bird in the picture, which i found intersting)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Everything happens for a reason

Souls meet for a reason
Walks inspire stories
Steps craft steps
Talks drive walks
For a reason

Thoughts gather for a reason
Divine inspiration
Unplanned aspiration
Authentic escape of words
Running late
In a slightly humid rate

Walks happen for a reason
Overlooking the season
Wearing different colored hats
Passing jasmine bushes
Tunisian doors
Reading Familiar letters making unidentified words
Random Ideas and thoughts
Viewing silent boats
Water lights
Beneath an elegant sky
Giving the full moon an intimate good bye

Life happens for a reason
Life has an Intention
In creating every Convention
Forming Reflection

Abstract footsteps
Never intense
Yet Making Sense

Words slowing fast walks
To observe secrets of cycles
Footsteps witnessing reason
In a unique conversation
Souls do meet for a reason
Mapless walks
Leading to Destined talks
Everything happens for a reason
This poem is Dedicated to Laith Alqassem

Saturday, June 21, 2008

A question Murdered

A hesitant answer killed her question
Random murder
Hidden under a dreamy voice
Observed on another land
Words silenced other words
Words calmed words

In her heart
A childish feeling
She fails to explain
For one more time
Did her instinct betray her?
Or was it her pride
Do opposites really attract?
Was she the only one who dared to dream?

She's not grieving the question
We don’t grieve things we never owned
She feels no guilt for the crime
It's all words
Dotted words
That makes crimes
Destroy questions
Kidnap smiles

Confused
Yes lost
On another land
She took her shivering senses to sleep
She preferred to be senseless over sentimental
On this night

On a different ground
Full mooned starry night
Walking barefoot on warm sand
Warm
Yet fails to make her feel home
Facing waves that can change the world
Safe journies don't suit her
Playing games
Trying to put puzzles into place
On a new ground
Where people miss their unlived dreams
Longing
Dreaming
Wondering

How can a question get killed
on such a beautiful night

She will still walk on the edges
She finds no challenge in comfort
She will create more puzzles to solve
More risk to take
More novels to live
More love to give
Even if more questions got killed!
She will find new reasons
To change the world

Monday, June 16, 2008

Salon…. Not just a haircut!!

I wonder how many young ladies would relate to my story…… I wonder if the same happens at men's hairdressers… I highly doubt finding similarity !! I always felt there is very special atmosphere at the hair dresser "salon"!! The kind of stories you may possibly hear are things you only hear there…. And often times ,issues discussed between the hair dresser and customer or the shampoo girl and customer are so personal … extremely personal… .. Really personal…

Women come to the hair dresser with a baggage of frustrations, pain, love stories, secrets and so much gossip…… A visit to the Hairdresser may sometimes be a long one… … hours may pass while women are still at their hairdressers…. Answering personal phone calls… speaking out loud… then sharing their personal stories as a continuation of an over heard one sided conversation on the phone…

So many magazines of Layalena, zahrat alkhalej, Sayedety, Heya…etc are piled silently on the coffee tables, filled with gossip… while on the other hand, these women's hearts and minds write every day at the salon a more realistic perspective of the stories… A true real perspective, a genuine dimension of gossip those magazines failed to represent. .. and yes often times they discuss the stories in these piled magazines… … During Ramadan they would all talk about "bab El7ara" as if they know the characters… and everyone would get so passionate and involved in the discussion, as passionate as they get when talking about their own daughters and family members. And now it's the season of Noor!! The Turkish series that is being dubbed in Syrian accent!! And no one can possibly ignore Noor… who's entering almost every house at 10 PM of every night… In a timing were Euro Cup is taking place and high level of competition between Women's needs and Men's needs of TV!! Which raises more discussions…. And endless stories and frustrations…

I must admit, whenever I have a "salon" appointment, I print out some work or studying documents, and I go with my highlighter, pencil and bunch of papers….. those are my companions for waiting time… yes I'm usually a secretive customer…… I tend to smile to everyone… but share very little.. and would usually chose to agree with older women's opinions to cut conversations short……

Whenever I fail or forget to bring my to do list with me… I enter the "Salon" and start searching between the piles of magazines for "Zahrat Alkhaleej", and pile all the "zahrat alkhaleej" I can possibly find beside me… and start reading 2 articles from each one…. one for "Zahi Wahbeh"… who's usually the last article and one for "Ahlam Mastaganami " who's usually few pages before the last… I read these two articles and go from one issue to another … reading these 2 most poetic articles.. or opinion pieces about something or anything… and often times an interesting fake headline about one of the singers attracts me and I end up reading through…. It's good to TRY to be "In the loop" bemwadee3 eLsa7a elfanieh el3arabieh!! ;)

Well, that's not what I wanted to admit… what I wanted to admit is that… while reading or going through my work… my ear is carefully listening to all the interestingness around me!!! And yes I open my mouth sometimes dazzled at what I hear!! And pretend I just read a very surprising piece of information about "Nancy Ajram"!!! And sometimes I get overwhelmed by a very sad story said…. Said in a very personal way… and it keeps haunting me for a good while…

So what makes these women share very intimate private stories with hairdressers? Is it the amount of time spent with them? Is it complete trust for a person who can easily turn a bad hair day into a sexy hair day?!! What makes the level of trust so high in such cozy yet public place….

In a very small space… politics… love… home décor.. raising kids… education… art.. sports.. .. financial situations… economics…. TV programs… everything is discussed…

In a very small intimate cozy space… I always leave with a new story or rumor… … and it only reminds me I should go there more often… … to get the taste of reality from a different perspective…..

Friday, June 13, 2008

Midnight Wondering!

For Several days
In the middle of each
Night
A
Soul
That lives within me
Has a question

I wonder

How many more midnights
Will I witness

Before I acknowledge the answer
Or
No longer seek it!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Wishes

When I close my eyes
To make a wish
I imagine all the stars I wish I can catch
In the universe of my dreams
My senses merge with my aspirations
My ordinary wishes integrate with my rare wishes
Every time I close my eyes
My wish list starts and ends insisting with the same wish
A wish that shimmers more than its fellow wishes
A wish at that moment
Synchronizes in harmony with my heartbeat

I make wishes
That may come true in halves
In quarters
Wishes that makes me so light
I can fly
Wishes wrapped in hope
Delivered in insistence
Wishes wrapped in questions
Announced with hesitation
Wishes of my crazy mind
And passionate heart
wishes that makes me walk on the edges
Wishes that challenge me
keeps me Alive
Wishes that brings light

Wishes
like us
have characters
Humble wishes
Wished in a crazy way
Common wishes
Wished in a customized way
Sane wishes
Funny wishes
Childish wishes
Luxurious wishes
Wishes we know
Wishes hidden between life angles
Exist
But we haven't met yet

Wishes like humans…
Have a birth date
Grow old….
Survive...
Leave scars…

Wishes are like mothers
When they come true
They Give birth to another wish

Sometimes I close my eyes
To make a precious wish
Nothing but a grieving tear falls
Slips between my joyless eyelashes in pain
Only then I know
In the gloomy corners of my eyes
In the absence of real Light
That my favorite wish has died
That one of my special stars
no longer shines!
Wishes like humans
Die!

Friday, May 23, 2008

The art of life- Where Knowledge fails- by Earl Barnes I


It does feel good when words written in 1907, read in 2008... still make so much sense... and you can relate to every line..

Monday, May 19, 2008

I can still Breathe

Birth
A phenomenon of delivering
A generous Question

Growth
A persistent miracle for pursuing the answer
That only leaves us…
With more


Questions ........

Doubtfulness ........

Thoughts ...........

Uncertainty ..........

and Wonders.....

Those allow us
to
BREATHE …….

When questions
Diminish
I fear
Fading out….

Saturday, May 10, 2008

RUM …. Life… live….

On Thursday night, more than two thousand people gathered downtown Amman. It felt like a magical hand opened the cage which people living in Amman were locked in… a brief invitation in the newspaper gave the key for people to breathe fresh air… enjoy a lovely night… in an ancient magnificent roman theatre …. Where what's remainder of the moon was invited too… all of that fabulous setting with a great concert RUM.. playing on the background…



The segmentation of those interested in such a divine concert arrangement is too wide… the segmentation is not about those who are into art.. it's not about those who can afford the ticket.. Since the show is for free.. Its not about those who are subscribed to the email list of a certain "art entity" and would attend after getting the email notification or a facebook event invitation….. The segmentation is much wider… much more humane..



The segmentation is about citizens… all citizens.. a real representative sample of the society… .. because the place is real the show is real.. the human interaction is natural… it is art.. it's not faked art… or tried out hard art….. that's why normal people can relate to it… the location itself with the atmosphere is a heavenly statement on its own…



This concert, unlike other art related shows taking place.. where you go and feel so alien.. not to the place.. but to the people and different energies.. and you can't really stop wondering have I fallen from space… or did all of these people just came for a visit from another country.. . people you have never met before… people you don’t imagine them to be your neighbors…. Unfamiliar faces… unfamiliar expressions… your heart finds it hard to synchronize with that vibe….


Coming to such a concert… even if you don’t know anyone there.. you would never feel out casted… you would never feel that you don’t belong… the faces will always look familiar… they will look like the people you live with.. your neighbors… the people you know… the groups you belong to… people you meet at grocery stores… people you might as well fall in love with one day….




Biographies of people who came… have love in common to all of them… they were either in love with Rum as a band, or the music… or songs names… or Amman… or Jordan.. … or fresh air.. or the ancient theatre…… or with the people they came with… or just in love with watching the moon playing hide and seek with the clouds…


A combination of culture.. human factor… nice weather…… passion… need for fresh air…. Free entrance………. good energy.. brings everyone together... to create the divine atmosphere..


The concert had great music pieces played…. And the uniqueness of such concerts is that when you listen to a song about Jordan… New Amman… Jerash… the piece doesn’t' necessary say that Jordan is green…. Wordless music is so powerful… . no words that raises opinions of agree or disagree … a musical piece that sounds good… and has enough harmony and is alive for us to embrace it as a song called Jordan… a song played on instruments with so much passion… with so much love… which makes us admire calling it Jordan…






Before the end of the concert… when the audience excitement and joy level rose… The crowd comes in and dances… those are my favorite people… those are the people who take the initiative to entertain others… who take the initiative to express their joy through their bodies…. As unprofessional as it may seem.. as horrible as they may dance.. You get entertained by viewing their bodies expressing joy…… they draw smiles on faces (serious people) and create loud laughter on others ( the more extroverts). In a country known for its national "Kashra" these people make you feel "Lessa eldenia b5air" ….


Let's hope the magical hand will always free Ammani's from the cage through coming summer nights… even if they just want to come and socialize with their families and beloved ones in such a great place… even if they are not interested in the music… and they just want to come and enjoy the glorious space… and socialize with the background of whatever concert is playing…. Let's hope the cage will be left open….

Monday, May 5, 2008

A Whisper Heard

Silence slips between words
Silence secretly slides…
Broken letters of a child
Slips between overflowing words
Within mature sentences…
A child is just learning words..
Like a hidden smile…
The child slips between the words..
Like the underground seed arises…
Like a divine heart prayer… said out loud…
A child that has grown…
Between the words ..
Is now shown…
Between silence and words…
A hidden child was found…
Between the words…
I heard whispers…..
Of an innocent child…
Singing…

Friday, May 2, 2008

Airports....

Different faces…. Each heading to a different destination… for a different reason… Faces loaded with feelings, questions, thoughts and wonders…..Features of hope… expressions of worry…fake interactions…love.. various scents…work….. quick judgments… sincere conversations……beauty….diverse opinions… coincidence…genuine eyes…. chance …. Accidents… stories … legends … fairy tales.…… endless number of motives…. Make us pack and move…… Endless reasons… makes me love observing faces at airports…… Makes me love to pack and move…

Her Fairy Tale Dream....


She rouse from the comfy Barbie bed…. Expecting the fairy tale imagery to continue… expecting a perfect image of what getting married and living away from family would be like… would feel like …
Part of her, was always not ready to know that life isn't perfect… part of her lives endlessly in a fairy tale… and seeing that Barbie bed, made the possibility for a fairy tale story build in her mind…..
Reality was never as perfect as her dreams… at a certain point… she had to listen and know.. that life isn't perfect… that it is hard to live away… away from the first human bonds created, away from family… sister.. brother… parents…
Having a sense of physical distance…. Detachment….. '3orbeh…. was painful.... as sad as imperfect as it seems.. it's reality that started to destruct the mental fairy tale expected… For a girl who made a decision to always witness reality from her angel.. .. in a room next to the barbie room…. watching tears tell a story of pain… of longing… was difficult… but yet… with every tear… they both would hear the laughter of the most adorable children… which makes it all.. worthwhile … in her eyes… that's what made life PERFECT… that laughter was always the echo of cries…. that longing's shadow is certianly true love…

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

On the other Hand, DUBAI…. A unique experience of exceptional souls…


In an attempt to experience Dubai…. All images & expectations on what Dubai is, and how a week in Dubai would be like....failed. And a more real, lively, image was drawn. I failed to observe All the fakeness described by those who visited Dubai. I'm so glad that my Dubai's first trip was such a rich experience of human interactions in a wonderful way.

I'm glad , that if I'm asked what is Dubai today…. For me … It's a walk on the beach barefoot with inspirational people, talking about how we can make a change…. It's a sleepless night in the lobby, enjoying Egyptians sense of humor on everything and anything….. It's a sincere conversation with exceptional thinkers… who are young… but will make the change… It's a desert, full moon heart to heart conversation… It's a think outside the box experience….It's taking a step forward... into the future... It's an observation of transformation… it's seeing artistic ways of sleeping ( Lina )…. It's listening to your thoughts in a different voice…. It's sharing….. it's talking and walking and not being judged… it's tolerance… It's laughing and crying with people you have never met before, but deep within you , it feels as if we never really lived away…. It's a hot topic discussed in the bus…… it's being sleepy all the time, but yet try hard and THINK and try to be CREATIVE… it's checking in and opening the apartment door, and hearing someone calling "bring a fork and come share the delicious chocolate cake!" . That's how the trip started…. And that's how it continued… it was very similar to the first chocolate cake which Mohar and Areen made me share as soon as I Arrived, before knowing my name…. Dubai was that spontaneous, that real, loving, Sharing, and the cake was so delicious. It's unbelievable…..

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Reading a person is not like meeting the person- Personality VS Character

What truly never stops astonishing me after human emotions development is the character VS personality aspect of humans. And I can never and will never use both interchangeably.
People can have an amazing personality which you can easily feel drawn to but once the character is revealed a different impression may be created which usually over covers any impression made on personality. But the opposite is not true. What's interesting is that personality as a word is derived from "Persona" a Latin word meaning "Theatrical Mask"! Which absolutely proves my point. I would care less of a personality which is trustworthy, witty and has so much citizenship and honesty represented by a shy character which doesn’t take initiative to show that trait of citizenship or responsibility , who finds it hard to say jokes in public to reveal his/her personality in real life .
Character is a combination of social and cultural acquired acts, habits, qualities and attributes. Character is the real you, the personality traits along with how they were developed and presented by you. We often say he/ she has a character, which implies uniqueness.
Online, a personality can be easily exposed, whether a person is funny, caring, fair, and responsible or sweet is easily shown. You can read someone's blog, work virtually together online, or chat with him/her and come up with conclusions on such personality traits. A false assumption would be that you think meeting that person face to face would bring a similar judgment. In reality character is what attracts us. Character is what makes a person unique. In theater, stories or film the characterization of characters is what makes us get emotional, feel with them or be able to fully imagine the person. When reading a book, you cannot be fully involved and living the scene with full imagination if the characterization of characters is not clear and detailed. How they walk, dress, behave, act, what made them act the way they are acting. And a series of disappointments that may come out of a book made into a movie is related to how each one of us imagined the character, not the personality. Personality cannot be imagined. Personality can have flows and can be judged, but character cannot be blamed, judged or mistaken. It’s a chosen way of being!
In short, I am interested in the offline part of you. The part which I can see the reflection of your soul through your eyes. And where I can see you walk, imitating your dad. And talk imitating your mom. And speak imitating a role model you have. And dream of a character you wanna be. I am interested in this socio- cultural context that caries these personality traits and expose them in a unique character. A character which I cannot compare to another, A character that is complete by being itself, and doesn't need a check list to evaluate. A character that developed through living…. Socializing…. Crying…. Laughing….dancing….. I am interested in the real you....

Monday, March 10, 2008

I apologize

Allot of my posts took allot of time to come up, after a visit to Darat Alfunun " Art now in Lebanon exhibit" yesterday and on Saturday. I came back with a load on my chest, loaded with apologies. Rabih Mrouh, totally inspired me, with his amazing recording. Which will only keep me tuned waiting for his coming performance, "stop me from Smoking". I left the exhibit, with a poster for the bullet which was the first photo Akram Zaatari took, it's now hanged over my bed. And allot of thoughts, pain, questions and apologies. Out of no plan I took a paper and kept writing endlessly my apologies which I would like to post openly on this blog. Endless apologies existed within me which I never thought of until that moment I started writing them. I wonder if having the bullet facing me while I'm in bed, combind with an inspiration from Rabih's video confession. Resulted in allot of apologies I feel like making.
I apologize for cursing the PMI for their bad managerial skills, slow application processing and yet try to pursue their PMP degree. I apologize for reminding people of their dreams and yet ignore my own. I apologize for acting that I believe prioritizing is the key, and doing the opposite. I apologize for studying to get my MBA while believing it might add nothing more than the certificate which I will get. I apologize for talking about my management information systems degree & what it's about, while believing it wasn't key in who I am. I apologize for having so much written in CV which says nothing about who I am. I apologize for hating those who taught me the biggest lesson of my life. I apologize for acting busy when I knew I have space to help. I apologize for expecting from others what I wouldn't do myself to them. I apologize for loosing my passion for my job, and still keep it. I apologize for ignoring people who loved me, only coz I thought I don't like them. I apologize for working in something without knowing much about it. I apologize for excluding you from my friends list, for no reason. I apologize for leaving my Clay art work long enough for it to get lost at the place I bake it, and afterwards blaming others for losing it and losing my motivation to do any art afterwards. I apologize for blaming others on my mistakes. I apologize for waiting for people to change the world while I watch. I apologize for saying the word 3aib. I apologize for criticizing things I believe in, just to go with the flow of a conversation and not clash. I apologize for compromising my thoughts for the acceptance of others. I apologize for letting people fall in love with me while I never really loved them but wanted a relation. I apologize for ignoring to draw. I apologize for ignoring the most precious things in me and my life. I apologize for not watching the news or reading the newspaper, to keep myself in denial . I apologize for talking about values that I don’t possess. I apologize for saying I love you, while I wasn't still sure of my feelings . I apologize for being paid my end of month salary from an American institute, and yet keep fighting the Americans all through my lectures at Univ and encouraging every person I meet to watch the Zeitgiest. I apologize for not reading many of the books I receive as presents, and say I don’t have the time though I do. I apologize for not appreciating the blessings that I have. I apologize I criticized you. I apologize for not crying when I felt like crying since it wasn't appropriate & felt too sensitive of me. I apologize for not screaming when I felt like it, but it was not accepted . I apologize for not telling you that you are a liar in your face. I apologize for not telling you I don’t trust you, face to face. I apologize for learning to loose my honesty to adapt. I apologize for the systems I try to create and limit others in. I apologize for arguing for the sake of argument sometimes. I apologize for falling in love with someone in a relation. I apologize for punishing & blaming myself when I follow my desires. I apologize for judging people under first impression. I apologize for hating technology and yet study MIS and spend all day with my laptop, phone , and other technologies. I apologize for not respecting my own opinion. I apologize for believing I can change the world and not do anything about it. I apologize for only calling you when I'm bored. I apologize for taking you/ my sister for granted. I apologize for trying to convince you of my opinion. I apologize for taking long baths & consume so much water in a country of scarce water resource.I apologize for teaching kids how to think in sequence while I believe their randomness is where their true blessing and creativity lies. I apologize I wasted the time teaching them and not learning from them. I apologize for teaching children art while I believe it can't be taught. I apologize for helping them do their homework in my way, instead of learning their way. I apologize for so many contradictions I'm living in. I apologize for underestimating other people's abilities. I apologize for analyzing how think or act while I know nothing of the life they lived or what they passed through. I apologize for criticizing art, a form of expression . I apologize for wearing what other people expect me to wear, when its not me. I apologize for using words I don’t understand, only since I know it might appeal to others or sound rich. I apologize for not dancing in the streets when I was that happy. I apologize for showing you that we have a common interest, when I believe we didn’t, never will. I apologize for talking about money as if it's the most important thing, when it really isn't. I apologize for trying to change other's opinion. I apologize for reminding you of apologies you feel like doing .I apologize for talking about forgiveness and finding it hard to forgive myself.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A new Mapless Star :)

Some years ago, when I was graduating from School. we all decided to write our dreams on papers attach to balloons and make the balloons fly. I remember thinking for long and not being able to count my dreams nor accuratly know them. thus I wrote " Reaching the stars with an open heart of loving and Giving!!"' That was and still is my ever lasting dream. The stars for me resemble a whole world of dreams, ambitions, art , and a childhood game! . And they are always mapless, whatever we seek, has no destination or physical existence, its all in our brain and heart! Its mapless! It might seem lost for others, but for us its there and its so existential as if its the most real thing on earth, no matter how far that star is!!
What's so inspirational for me, is that finding what your real stars is, is actually a true bless. Few days ago I wake up thinking of how much I need a more challenging Job, a more inspirational career. Having that hard way of seeking the star was actually what made me feel blessed in my work for long. feeling challenged to accomplish the task. Learning something new, thinking throughout differently. Today I realize, i'm trying to hard outside my career in order to feel i'm contributing to the society, thinking, researching or learning something new. and often times i'm suffering to get my job done, not because its challenging but because i'm not inspired. I totally lost motivation!!!
But there is a greater motivation within me, looking for the change and for a new opportunity that will make me feel that my energy is utilized and not wasted!!!
I see this star very clearly, not sure of its destination, since it's still mapless! but i'm sure very soon i'll be able to catch it, just like i did with many other stars!!!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Would you rather be normal or an extremist?

Dear reader, if at any part of the post you didn’t get it, you're not slow or stupid. I'm just insane. So pick a normal post .
I just hanged up the phone with Rula. Long conversation, since she's still not blogging whenever I quote from her I will put ® :) so we had this long heated argument, which I would like to put into writing. Would you rather be neutral (normal, common, go with the flow, ordinary) and happy OR be you, different (unique character, extremist, opinionated on certain issues…etc) and not enjoy this "normal" life and not be happy always. Coz apparently you might not belong. If on a Monday evening I went out to have a cozy dinner with one or two of my close friends with my curls, and tennis shoes and jeans( which I usually do) instead of on Thursday night taking an appointment at the hairdresser STRAGHTEN my hair, put on the high heels and scratch some make up on my face(until this part sometimes I do !!) then fake a smile and go meet a group, half of I don’t really get along with well, or relate to, the other half are nice to me so I'm here as compliment to them though they might not be happy with my presence. Choosing the first , I will be out of this world- an extremist!
Rula says you can't be a real unique producer , unless you are an extremist® , but would you really rather be a producer, change the world, do something unique? Or would you rather get the majorities acceptance? I believe there's no shift back, there's no such thing as being normal and happy after you being an extremist. Coz I don’t believe you would enjoy going with the flow and imitating others after you have felt how it feels to be yourself. A whole unique identity, which rather have tea on the couch with Rula than go clubbing on a Thursday even if that's the trend!!
I am always changeable ® I literally brought my new note book which Rula doesn’t believe is artistic (though I thought it is) and quoted her while she was talking on the phone!! Can you imagine, architects can be that inspiring :)
She is not only accepting others diversity which is relatively normal, she is accepting her own transformations and changes. She is adaptive ® but could she adapt to normality? For how long?
If tastes are changeable, probably values are as well, but it takes much longer to change those.
Can someone be an extremist when it comes to work, or talent, and in social life be a normal person. What's normal? What's sane?
aren't the Neutral category keen to find their real core and become the extremists too, aren't they normal coz they probably can't be different?!
Why is it more normal for me to go out with fake straightened hair, than to go out with my wild natural curls? This question can be reformed on all the questions that relates to life, my hair is just the closest example. The same statement is true for everything, natural instincts are considered wild and insane while faked coldness is actually what's accepted!!!
Please note: I'm not judging anyone here, I'm just thinking out loud!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Hakaya


She enters a tree room, where the energy is so full of questions, concerns and rich content. Lost between big words and high values, she questions her knowledge, beliefs and ideas. And here she goes, a great inspiration by Munir Fasheh, he suggests the value of stories in creating, inheriting, learning and remembering knowledge. A concept that totally attracts her. In a room lit by the view of the old city and the enlightenment of the audience. She decides to start posting her stories. And here she is While searching for the missing content found what could be missing from her journey's documentation, Hakaya as Munir says. While thinking of the idea, endless flashbacks started bombing in her little head, stories that probably formed her as a person, some added to her characteristics and others which could have helped in not emerging certain traits ; childhood stories, inspirational occasions, and love stories. She suddenly finds out she has endless stories to talk about. Being a person who is always in love, with someone, some place or idea. She has endless love stories to speak of….....

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mornings....... Days...

While waking up in the morning is the toughest part for me. I'm finally awake with enough coffee in my system. I do mornings only when they are customized for me. The first 2 hours of waking up I prefer complete silence, and I don’t usually speak any word except good morning. The only sound I can bare in the morning is the sound of the coffee machine, coz I need it. but at the end of the day, I live with early risers, my parents wake up around 5 or 6, so by the time its 9 (my wake up time) they had all the silence they needed and are ready to discuss politics!! Some of my work colleagues are early risers too, and they can easily start a hot work conversation call as early as 8:30 or 9!! Which I usually miss and call back when I'm capable of talking, unless it’s a sensitive phase of work with urgent news. Actually sometimes I feel they do this intentionally since I'm so peaceful in the morning and things can go as they wish when I'm that sleepy and barely saying anything other than yes, ok, we'll see, I'll call you later. And whenever I'm asked if I'm sleeping, I always deny it!! No I'm not go ahead!!
It's been such a long week already, though the week hasn't started yet! Often times you feel ready to end your week on a Monday. Today is one of those days. I don’t mind getting a weekend tomorrow. My last Friday and Saturday together weren't a package I could name weekend! But at the end of the day, who cares what I count them, as far as those of authority already counted them as weekends! Every day of the week has special rituals. Friday is the lazy day, I hardly move my body, I spend it sleeping, barely reading, barely watching TV. And Saturday is the day of service and overbooking myself. Whoever wants to see me or needs my help in anything, I say Saturday I'm free. Off course, from over booking Saturday I end up with 4 or 5 promises. one of which the person forgets to start with, 2 contradicts each other in timing so I end up doing 2 things or 3 and spend the day in the roads driving from place to place. The day ends while I'm literally exhausted, and 2 people are mad for not seeing me or me not being able to do what they wished like going shopping with them or spending time with them ( this usually includes my mother as one of them). So end of Saturday while I'm on bed, ready to sleep and end a LOOONNGG day, I go over my day in my mind, and I feel that at the end of the day I haven't' pleased anyone as much as they wanted, and yet I have not done anything special for my own self through the day! So I promise Mais to do something special next Saturday for myself. Like Go for a walk with one of my friends in a neighborhood I like, since for me there exists something very special about sharing a walk with someone! It’s incredible how countless are the things you can know about one person from just a walk! What they notice, what they don’t! Does the environment around them and elements they see triggers them to criticize or laugh! Are they hard or easy to please! Or I promise myself to go to the spa or something. Being someone who can hardly break a promise to people but can easily do it to myself. My Saturday s are still the same, though special things can happen by an emotional explosion accident through the week!! J

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Uncivilized!!

There was something attractive about this effortless man. A man with humble plain clothes, button less , colorless linen shirt, and an artistic looking hair. The way he walks is so free of complications and sophistication. He carries no image but the image of himself, a HUMAN. He was standing near the table, grabbed a cookie, so I thought of handing him a plate, so I did. And he refused saying " Thanks I'm not that civilized!" and I never knew, such a statement about a man would turn my alarm bills on, by just calling himself UNCIVILIZED! Having witnessed 22 summers of my life , I do find it such an interesting part of my journey , attraction to the uncivilized. I always thought that my perfect image of a man is a handsome guy, dressed in a suit, walking in straight lines, shaved, with short fixed hair. And the guy in the suit comes and leaves and I don’t even turn my face. Or to be accurate when I did turn it, I regretted it! This uncivilized man, comes from nowhere, heading to nowhere, as if he owns all the freedom in the world by being un-civilized. He passes and totally grabs my attention to a human characteristic I'm totally drawn to. By knowing who he is, he made me realize allot about my own self. I was always attracted to two main divine worlds and wished I can try to breathe there for few summers. Those two worlds were Wadi Rum, and off course Menia in Egypt ( Elsa3eed)! I always knew I'm attracted to this untouched nature, this truthfulness in earth. But knowing that un-civilization is what draws me magnetized in humans as well is something interesting! Recalling that incident makes me really embarrassed, I wish there was a camera that took a shot of me when this man said that he's not that civilized. I remember I stared!! But I wonder how I stared!! Lol!!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Facebook

It never stopped astonishing me this facebook phenomena. As much as I'm excited to start blogging, I'm surprising my own self in having my first post entitled facebook. Regardless of all the publicity of the private information on this website and how quickly and easily the most secretive and private information are circulated and spread . What amazes me truly, is how much you miss by not checking your facebook!! Not being a big fan of technology myself, and ending a working day not wanting to check any site or read any screen printed note. Days pass by and I don’t really check my facebook. On public holidays, I can live without turning the power of my laptop or TV on! (I can be that uncivilized! J)I tend to forget that facebook is the most used social tool, for invitations, socializing, getting important messages, and knowing about important events taking place in this country. I remember on the last school graduates reunion, I met one of my old school friends, who I'm not really in touch with. And she's a very sweet excited type of girl, she was like " Mais , god where have you been? Where are you? It's been so long, don't you have a facebook?!!!" off course, I was so shocked of the sweet gesture of missing me ( on facebook!). certainly , what makes me question this phenomena more, is getting these messages saying let's go for lunch this Thursday or being blamed for not saying good bye to someone who left the country, though he or she posted his travel time on facebook!! Interesting isn't it?! All human civilization, created transportation, mail, phones, mobiles, sms, emails, iphones (I have to include that:)) to make people closer to each other, and yet we are moving apart comparatively with how close and sincere relations were when the only communication tool was an honest soul communicating face to face or body to body.